I just saw a Kleenex commercial and thought about last night. I'm sorry about your hair.
The required reading for this week is a paper about birds called great tits. Let's see my TA keep a straight face through this discussion.
good news. it is gonna rain tomorrow so now I don't have to pay to clean the puke off the side of your car.
I just ate a whole pineapple for lunch. You should be begging to give me a bj tonight.
just peed on my foot to get a spider off. that lazy.
The guy in 209 is masturbating with the door cracked again
Just considered the plausability of using my detachable showerhead as a beer bong. Has my life really devolved to this?
Woke up with a full plate of KFC next to my face. I didn't really question it.
We're watching a video in class about cheese. The scoring for it sounds like that of a Lifetime movie. My mind is creative. I've continued my own story in my head of a wheel of cheese that was raped and murdered. It's so sad. I hope they get the guy. Btw, the video is about marketing.
New low: falling asleep with my face in the toilet only to be awoken when my hand slid down and touched the water. It's moments like these I wish I could forget.
also dude totally apologize for the whole drunken "want something in my mouth" text
The lady at walmart just said she is so happy im still alive....Was i that drunk on the 4th? Dont answer that
Not sure. He doesn't know where New York is on a map but he gives an incredible spanking.
Who cares about New York?
I just need to get a little drunker before I realize I'm not straight
If you find me in the bathroom in a fetal position, licking frozen bacon .. I might have Drank a little too much.
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