Gonna be late. Someone jumped in front of our train.
What ever happened to making out with a few boob grabs here and there?
Why I am the classiest girl you know: just mixed drinks for everyone on the baby changing station at the movie theater.
Walk-of-shaming home in that dress you got arrested in. Six guys called out your name when I walked past. I've never been more proud of us.
I'd like to introduce you to my friend, Moderation. Enjoy each other's company this weekend.
Your friend and I already don't get along
I'm cool with a hey old buddy how have you been want to fuck me in the butt kind of thing
I give up. I can't handle that class sober any longer. I have an army of whiskey shooters for the next three weeks. Wish me luck.
Woke up, moved an empty handle of fireball to spit blood, then put the morning cigarette out in it.
That's the 3rd time I've gone home with her and she passed out on me. I poured 6 boxes of cereal on her and left
well some coke just fell out of my nose in my partners meeting so i'd say my day's off to a fantastic start
SO DRUNK
PUKED IN DRIVEWAY
TELL PARENTS SORRY
We had a quickie at work in the office. He walked out before me, and I fell asleep while waiting a few minutes to walk out. Yeah. He's got that change your life dick
I dont understand why so many people are content staying in and avoiding alcohol and sex
So do I get points for screwing my recently single ex boyfriend and then telling him to go fight for his ex back?
So the vodka/tequila mix went down fine but the burp made me cry
Randomize
