Whats contracted in vegas does not stay in vegas....
he was pretty good aside from the whole putting his tongue on my butt thing
2am update: i think I'm in Mexico but I found a dennys. Everyone but this cute family of 4 is speaking Spanish. Cute family of 4 is helping me out.
just asked if they'd gift wrap go-go taquitos for you at 7-eleven
you kind of just crawled on top of him. that was the point at which i became concerned with how drunk you were.
I'll be honest. I knew what I was getting into. I'm not proud, but I'll be damned if I'm ashamed. 6 month draught is over. That's justice.
well this is gonna sound really bad but we were fooling around on sandra's electrical wheelchair
I fucking love your mom. She's so drunk and fully functional. I aspire to be her one day.
Saying I've had more balls in my mouth than you is the last clear, coherent thing I remember.
Just taxi'd to the airport holding a zip lock bag of my own vomit. Bachelorette success.
Google Maps needs to have a hungover setting. That bitch talks too loud and all I want is breakfast tacos & a bloody fucking mary.
Had to lock my cat in the bathroom so I could masturbate in peace.
Don’t fucking talk to that dude from monday!! Ethical consumption dude, don’t fuck shitty guys
This is the worst drive ever. Im hungry, hungover, i gotta shit so bad, and the only radio station im getting clearly is playing alvin and the chipmunks christmas songs
I made it out of the house. Success.
It's not better out here. I'm at Target hyperventilating in the aisles.
Randomize
