I think I just saw the travelocity gnome in leather chaps.
i got kicked out of Barns and Nobles cuz i put all the bibles in the fiction section
She sucked my dick when I had a concussion. It was the coolest feeling ever but the doctor said it was a bad idea. He's obviously gay.
And he tried to make it as casual as possible by asking where i was going on vacation while he was poundin me.
I gave you a 45 minute blowjob. You were inside me for 3 minutes. I'm going to need you to get your shit together.
I don't know how I'm boarding the plane tomorrow. I have my car registration.
When I sent you a text telling you to splash water on your face, you texted me back with 'Iwehre N qyull.'
You may have cured my horniness. I feel like my libido just got shat on by kittens who live on an enchanted rainbow.
I want to pinterest what I want to do with my pubes. Why isn't there a board for that?!
He taped a champagne bottle to both his hands and called himself edward champagne hands. At one point he poured some on his lap and said " Just needed to make sure my dick got some too"
he literally referred to his penis as the alaskan bull worm from spongebob. when can we get married
I was just randomly reminded of the night you were wrapped up in a bed sheet carrying a full bottle of cookie dough vodka and warning neighbors of the weirdos running around
How the hell does my fucking boss know about the goddamned magician I fucked?!?
I couldn't find the oven mitts so I used a thick stack of tortillas
tell raye i said hi and sorry for bleeding on the limes
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