Fake titties should be able inflate and deflate like tires. So on Saturday you can put on your Double D hooker titties or Sunday put on your size B church tits.
can you explain to me why you commented on every one of my profile pics with "tits and beer ftw" please and thank you.
Anyone who says sunshine brings happyness has never woken up with the worst hangover of their life to their window being open and it being a bright shinny day
please hurry. your mom just evil laughed to herself in the kitchen like she's plotting my death.
Dude i just want you to know that when i found you half your mustache was already gone. I didn't do it.
Why is your vibrator in the fridge?
I'm testing sex in Alaska before I go there.
i gave you head in a backbend. if that doesnt say happy birthday i dont know what does.
omg i hate the new neighbors. why cant a bitch just be hungover in peace on a wednesday morning.
EVERY guy that's EVER been in my vagina has texted me tonight for a booty call. Narrow it down to the greatest hits or just work in timeline order?
The fact that she put a frat guy in check tells me I did some good raising my little sister. Time to see if she does keg stands.
I can't leave your house without my underwear spending the night.
If you can't seal the deal with her, I will. And you know I'll be successful. So there's your incentive
I'm not 100 percent on this, but I think I just shit a lump of cement. What the fuck happened last night?
Our sex from this weekend should be engraved into a plaque or commemorated somehow. It was fucking amazing.
First night in my new place, I had to get drunk to get used to the idea of shitting in a new toilet
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