do you know what's more awkward than a positive pregnancy in a public bathroom?
not a thing
walking in on a stranger's positive pregnancy test in a public bathroom
Theres been so much buildup for our genitals to meet, one or both of us is sure to be disappointed.
If I go there, please come with. It will accelerate the lesbian rumor but be totally worth it.
I'm crossing my legs while pooping. Taking a shit has never looked so proper.
Overall win. We all know who got to sleep on the concrete outside of Denny's with you.
Stop giving guys blow jobs because you're no good and it's messing up my sex life. Word gets around & then they think it's me and don't believe me when I say I have a twin. Learn to stuck dick right.
I ran into the bouncer who kicked me out of that beach bar a few months ago. I told him I'd only been thrown out of two other places since then. He was proud.
Is it weird that I Facebook creep hot people from their credit card receipts?
Being single for so long makes me fucking creepy.
Whore are you.
Is that a Yoda insult or are you asking me where I am?
Yes.
you were bawling because you felt bad for being so drunk and then you asked for a beer
We broke up. And I told him he better give me my fucking star wars movies tomorrow. Priorities.
All I ever do is give guys anxiety problems and flaccid penises.
He washed his dick in my kitchen sink after sex. I think he might be a keeper.
He just turned down phone sex for hockey and I'm so relieved I'm fucking a straight guy that I'm barely even mad
i fucked his best friend. once right next door to him. i'm pretty sure that could be called sweet revenge.
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