i just pooped in tubberware. not a proud day
I miss having pregnancy scares ....at least i knew i was having a good time
my drunk uncle just explained that turkeys are not gentle lovers... and no context doesn't make it better.
It was one of those you-have-no-other-way-home-and-we-already-made-out-so-I-guess-youre-coming-home-with-me-if-you-promise-to-leave-early kind of deals.
She's beautiful tan and skinny she will make me hate myself and that's what I need in a friend right now
you know that feeling on acid where you think the world stops just to fuck with you? That's what it felt like.
Someone's shaving their pubes at work every Monday and it's starting to piss me off
I mean come on
Mom and I are both drunk and walking around the Strip. It's like the hangover but with a lot more bathroom breaks.
I was sat at the table waiting with a glass of wine reading my book and the hotel staff gave me a goldfish in a bowl and said 'heres your date for the night' !
My Midnight Kiss was a Big Mac.. Happy New Year
My dad told me to bring weed to easter Sunday dinner..
Family trip though. I generally don't wheel too much ass with the fam in tow. Despite the fact my parents would be pleased if I did.
This whole Rob and Chyna drama is giving me trust issues. I'm about to text my ex and be like if you haven't already deleted my nudes, can you?
Yeah but who says we can't be shitfaced and tan at the same time?
Pretty sure I'm partying in a onesie right now.
Randomize
