I think we should urban dictionary "drive of shame." It involves a sprint to your car in his underwear and shirt, surreptitiously trying to put on your bra on at stoplights without attracting attention from neighboring cars, and lurking in your car a block from home so you can know when your roommate leaves for work.
You know your in college when you decide house chores with games of beer pong...
Why do i always get involved with 3 women at once?
Because life brings drama and thus like moths to a flame, women
Are you seriously picking mariokart over a blowjob? nott to sound like a bitch but seriously?
so my dad walked in on us having sex
lulz really? why?
lets just say he wont be answering to 'daddy' for a loooooong time
sellin beer in gallon jugs is both the best and worst idea ever. Im only gonna have one beer...but its gonna be 128 ounces.
could hear acupuncture therapist getting blown in the next room over the whale music
Monday: I just need a drink Tuesday: OMG no more this week! Wednesday: oh shit how'd I get drunk Thursday: I'm glad you've stopped the pretenses
Almost told my boss I was an expert aat swallowing when he questioned my ability to take excedrin,xanax, and a vitamin all at once. It was a medicinal gang bang lubricated by arizona tea.
At some point tonight the bad ideas in my head became bad decisions that happened outside my head
I've slept in a different bed every day this week. Operation Ho Ho Ho is a success!
I fell asleep on the floor again. i dont want help, just a pillow. its kind of nice down here.
I was hooking up with this girl last night and she's on top of me with "Flux Pavilion - I can't stop" grinding in the background and I thought "Holy shit I'm going to do a lot of Molly this semester."
Also, totally got laid in my yellow rubber boots and it was awesome.
I just borrowed porn from my middle aged mother. This is what desperate looks like.
Randomize
