he was on top of me and all of a sudden stopped and starting picking his nose...i asked him if he was okay, he sort of looked confused, and he told me he had a booger that hurt. guess its a good thing i wasnt planning on dating this guy
How are you feeling today?
i could've thrown up on command at any point today...
woke up with a used condom shoved in my ear. i officially hate alcohol.
I'm going to come in a little later this morning....there's no heterosexual way to say this....$1 flip flop sale at old navy
mom brought her knitting needles with her. its bad enough to be in the ER on new years, but to be with the knitting parent!?
I just wanted to clarify that I am not bisexual and had no intentions of ACTUALLY penetrating my roommate with a can of bugspray.
It was worse than that time I did shots of BBQ sauce and pierced my own ear with a thumbtack
Carrying your underwear around in your purse on Sunday morning is its own religious experience
Went to bed with a bowl of spaghetti O's on my chest, I make my own breakfast in bed. New level of laziness
If there was a tv show called "True Life: My 58 Year Old Dad Rolls Better J's Than Me" I'd be on it.
Well the term Party is used loosely in this situation. Since it will just be mom wine drunk and us eating chips with multiple dips.
You threw up in your own shoe then wore it home
One of my favorite March activities is cropdusting people while wearing a kilt.
Vodka for breakfast. With a side of Frankenberries. Don't judge me.
Wanna get drunk and make some bad decisions?
Are you calling me a bad decision?
Randomize
