She took her shirt off and was broader than Dwight Howard.
we need to get ahold of those "sexting" teens on tyra. HAWT!
wasnt one 13?
you rearended a car with your bike and then puked all over his back windshield. They made BUI's for you.
He used my blackberry to make a voice recording of me orgasming, then set it as my ringtone while I was sleeping. I discovered this during a staff meeting this morning.
We're not even buying beer. Just vodka. In pre-retrospect this was a bad idea but we're doing it anyway
Remember that pineapple I soaked in vodka last month? Just found it- nothing is growing on it? Think it's safe?
I want him to rain dance my fallopian tubes.
Still want to know how you got back last night? Two Campus Security Officers carried you in around 430. Your pants were around your ankles.
I hate Sailor Jerry.
my mom found me passed out in the kitchen floor with the Brita pitcher.. Happy Mothers Day
She really is something else.
Words cannot describe what though. The best way to describe her is to say it like watching a bear and a whale have sex. You don't know why it's happening or how. But it's rather funny and you can't look away.
His cat must have been laying on his dick, because now my face is covered in hives
This guy on Hoarders just said "we're all about 4 or 5 decisions away from shitting in a bucket". True dat
Came home plastered at 8am. Roommate had hot glued all the ashtrays and various items to their surfaces. Couldn't handle it. Went back to the bar.
you didnt realize it, but you puked in the bushes in front of a church and yelled "GOD IS DEAD"
as a guy is it bad that even my mom called me easy?
Randomize
