the drag queen on stage looks like shes wearing the EXACT same dress i wore 2 senior prom.
i gave him a hand job with one hand and held the 40 with the other. this is like freshman year all over again.
No worries. It'll grow back. I mean, hey, my eyebrows grew back after he shaved them off. So it's all good.
STOP TELLING PEOPLE I PEED ON YOU
Party Liz is going to have to have her wings clipped until someone gets me some baby reins to wear
What's a good pandora station to masturbate to?
Thing I said while arguing: I want to be single again so that I can have pizza and dick rained down upon me.
Pulling out all the stops on being a lady.
2 men making out for 2 seconds to trick a cop so they don't get arrested for being pulled over rolling a blunt is not gay.
I woke up in Brittany's thong, Tony's shirt, and an oven mitt
But if I live with you I'll help pay rent. Only if you promise no 50 shades of what the fuck internet hookups
When ur uncle gives you free weed, you take it
She took me into the bathroom and force fed me a panini, it was pretty good.
You don’t need a wing man if you have a solid hook up on the pumpkin pie
Reminder to self: never have sex on a trampoline. Trampoline burn hurts worse than carpet burn.
APPARENTLY I MISSED SOMEONE SWALLOWING A WHOLE BAG OF METH WHILE I WAS ON BREAK.
Randomize
