So my roomate was sunbathing this morning on the porch with a sock covering his penis
Sounds like a really classy character....
He is classy. It was argyle.
My relationship with VH1 is so bittersweet
I left a bag of circus animal cookies in my car all day. they melted together into on giant cookie. this could either be the best or worst thing ever
even in my darkest moments, having another person eat my jizz would make me smile
Apparently telling a group of crying girls that it looks like they need a visit from Dr. Phil isn't the best pickup line.
She started to rub her ass on my shoulder and i instantly thought "i am going to get E. Coli"
well shes beginning to earn a reputation as "the girl who tries to bone her hook ups in the ass with a pickle"
There's puke on my pillow. I'm still wearing my wedges. And I have a cab drivers number clutched in my fist.
Also I'm sitting home alone with a big ass bowl of marshmallows right now just eating. It's so sad.
All i hear is "BITCH BETTER HAVE MY HONEY" and i turn around and there is a dude in a bear costume. It was fur real.
I remeber being on the roof last night and we put our heads togeather and we touched each others face and said "Hennessyyyy"
Cuz I feel like I ate the whole candy isle at 7/11 last night and chased it with rum
You pretty much did tho
He sat down, pointed at my Converse and said "I have the same shoes." I thought "I'm going to have sex with you by the end of the night."
I just want a guy who will spank me, fuck me, then take me to my office xmas party. I'd that too much to ask?
Did my extra credit for a class I badly need to pass at the bar of Friday's.. kind of sum's up my college career. Got a 90 though.
Randomize
