i really like this girl i slept with last night
you ask her out again?
yeah but she said she is busy next weekend getting married
Phosphoglyceraldehydration... why the fuck is this a word
my one-armed grandma is doing the YMCA. you figure it out.
I am the drunkest girl in the tree.
And a psychic told me I was pregnant and I am just so over life right now.
you just stood there spinning and got mad if anyone tried to stop you
My life now consists of 2 time frames. BV before vibrator and AD after death of my sex life.
I guess our biggest consolation is that we haven't woken up in a hottub with a dead dude. Yet.
Sometimes familiar penis is best. Its like comfort food for your vagina.
I defriended her. I just can't support someone whose profile picture is of their water birth.
U should feel bad.. u r like a sex politician. All talk and no follow thru
Dude I'm driving around California right now hiding little bags of weed in random places like Easter eggs so that I can come back and find them later
Why do I have a vague memory of your entire fraternity climbing in through my bedroom window?
I woke up next to a Big Mac box.. And had no sheets or clothes on. The night was a success I think.
Well when I woke up this morning I didn’t think I’d be masturbating to my own LinkedIn profile today but here we are
Randomize