if i get killed by an online date, its your job to tell my parents that we met at church
I dunno... she just cried a lot and I kept sighing.
can't decide if i want to get drunk or coked for this harry potter thing.. it is kind of long
aren't you going with children?
is it trashy that while he was throwing up in the bathroom, i was hooking up with his childhood best friend?
I wouldnt consider it a good Wednesday if there wasn't any projectile vomit involved
you literally pushed me forward in the seat so you could puke behind my back without the cabbie noticing..
I just wanted to clarify that I am not bisexual and had no intentions of ACTUALLY penetrating my roommate with a can of bugspray.
Standing in a circle of girls fistpumping to the word "hospital" while taking shots.... I don't see this ending well, but its fucking fun.
Dude you were so high some kid was kicking the wall and you were convinced it was your heartbeat
I did something similar high once. I stopped like 30 feet in front of a stop sign because I felt like it was running towards me and I started crying. Got out my car and hugged it and told it not to run away people need it.
Showed up physical therapy hammered. The therapist just says this isnt part of the program.
Yes, you can go into Petsmart drunk but the cats awaiting adoption don't appreciate the soft pretzels squeezed through their cages.
Did that sound smart? Cuz beneath the boozy exterior beats the heart of a fucking scientist.
So if you wanna come get your pants you can. But you have to come in your boxers. Rules are rules!
is it bad that there is a girl in my bed right now and the only thing i can think about is the fect that its after 3am which means i cant order jimmyjohns unitll tomorrow?
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