I have the sudden urge to buy a Snuggie and wear it to the grocery store.
Don't worry. I just took 2 benadryls and beat off. I'm practically sleep texting
Just saw a commercial bout this girl that lost 54 lbs on a taco bell diet. so thats my excuse.
I just miserably failed my own drug test. At least I know what a positive will look like when I give them to the employees tomorrow.
I've come to accept that no matter where I step in our apartment, your underwear will be there.
We need to go to the store an get depends. I really don't want to be bothered with the bathroom this weekend.
Omg 230 lb butch lesbian with a mustache grabbed my dick. I need an adult
I'm covered in mustard and it looks like I nose dived in to barbed wire ??? Was last night that good?
Ummm didn't i have pubes when i went to bed last night?
You asked me if you had to go downstairs to get upstairs. And then you forgot where you were.
Stop making Mac and cheese and sit on his face. FINISH HIM
I have come to the conclusion that my perfect boyfriend is a cardboard cutout of Link with a dildo attatched. Also, Merry Christmas.
I am an advanced cybernetic robot sent back in time to 2013 to fuck my wife senseless for hours on end. Have you seen this wife?
Eddy, if you don't want to roll play then say so. This is just obnoxious
Also, what day were you thinkin we should trip balls at the children's museum?
I don't know where you went, but if you're anywhere near the liquor, pour me another drink
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