She looks like Robin Williams dressed as a frog.
sorry i walked in and ruined it, but i had to laugh she looked like a pile of bologna the way you had her pinned up on the wall
she had condoms in her med. cabinet - magnums -I don't think I'm tall enough for this ride
I wish they had a "No Yankees" filter on status updates.
He's like the fucking Houdini of bras. Not only did I not feel him take it off I didn't find it until two days later.
Some dude just bet me $8 I couldn't smoke a pack of cigarettes in an hour...It sounds stupid, but I really wanna do it. If I survive, I'll have $8 and it'll look good on my resume.
Even when three police cars surrounded us you kept telling us not to worry because 'only good things can happen'.
In the middle of having sex, she said "if we continue, we're dating." I then pulled out and sat in the corner, naked. I deserve a Medal of Honor.
We're having a serious conversation and I just responded to something he said with an emoticon. I am so baked.
When you passed out on the kitchen counter she brushed and flossed your teeth, then carried/dragged you to bed. Why aren't you married?
He was peeing on the back wall of a building. He would have been okay if the building hadn't been a police station.
Go makeout with Mickey Mouse so we can get FastPass tickets
then I ended up getting a lapdance from my TA...I love college.
I should probably add her on Facebook for as much as I cheat off her in Physics, huh?
I want you to worship my cock.
That's not how you start a conversation.
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