So i guess my mom went into the kitchen and asked me why i was making mac and cheese at 4 in the morning and apparently i yelled at her to "get the fuck back bitch you don't know my life"
walking through the french quarter. a homeless guy just offered me a pigeon. gotta love new orleans.
She insisted on fucking on the futon mattress on the floor, answered the phone call from her boyfriend who was on his way to pick her up, and then had the audacity to ask if I was clean
Going to the hospital for stitches on my balls. Mom walked in on me manscaping with an electric razor. Tell NOBODY.
Nah the bridesmaids all had dates. I slept with the next best thing: girl who WANTED to be a bridesmaid but didnt make the cut.
Please delete that video of me blowing you. I will repay you with 100 blowjobs even better than the one I gave you during that video. Please. I am gonna be a grandma one day.
I heard liver failure is in for 2012 anyways
BTW send me your address and size of condoms you wish your lover was-- "if you build it, they will come"
It was close. I was the girl scoping out where all the garbage cans were located in the class just in case.
This is why you don't heavily drink before 2 midterms.
Steve, that episode of cops where your dealer rear-ended that family is on again.
I'm tripping pretty hard right now but every time a Volvo drives by I feel like everything is gonna be alright
Don't do anything I wouldn't do. Thankfully for you that list does not include male models.
A boy just offered to come over and help me clean my house. I hope you are more successful than he will be tonight.
But truly, sorry about your empty vagina
Thanks boo.
We'd like to invite you to our threesome! Lingerie is encouraged and drinks will be provided. Next Friday, roommate night, my bedroom. Hope to see you there!
Randomize
