Where you at
assisting at a photo shoot in williamsburg till 7ish. wassup?
Doesn't matter. I already jerked off in your bed.
I'm not really sure how I got home, but judging by this headache, i'm assuming it involved bourbon.
you came in and threw goldfish on our blue carpet and screamed SWIM BITCHES and then made me drink a best friends potion with you
I just used an app to identify a song that was playing in the background of a porno. May god bless your soul steve jobs.
i think you ate grass..but you refused to open your mouth so we could see..
I ended up with a gash in my head from drunken dancing last night. I love life.
No. I'm just saying it shows no signs of stopping. My dad was a man-whore well into his 50s.
Was having a panic attack, but I'm out of xanax. Substituting with vodka shots and breathing exercises. My therapist will be proud, yes?
At least you got a round of applause for dancing like vanilla ice across the street and into the bar. Even as you were getting carded
you're right. i am beautiful. like a May day. frolicking in a meadow of wildflowers. platinum in one hand. pipe in the other. that kind of beautiful.
I'm happy in my shell. My shell which consists of keeping guys in the friend zone and me masturbating...
I learned that I order a bunch of dollar shots at the bar and once it's ready turned around and say "who wants pay?" And someone will pay
You think your roommate is bad? The guy they paired me with is such a nerd, his very presence at a party blocks every cock in the room.
I can't control his boners. I can only encourage them.
Ehh, the third backed out. Two still isn't bad. Who gets a bootycall to pick them up from a bootycall's house anyways? Only me.
Randomize
