he is so obsessed with the fact that he works at Apple
i know, its like he jerks off to steve jobs
That's it, I refuse to live in a world where sparkly vampires beat Batman at anything.
So I'm about to go to his house and have "I'm really sorry for cheating on you last night" sex
remeber the saying "bad choices make good memories" dude our bad choices dont even make memories.
There is too much vodka and too much dick.
so the party was at my house but some how i ended up being the only one who slept outside
I had to throw a towel over the bottles cuz it hurts to look at them
It all boils down to, who else do we know that is willing to buy our friendship?
I just remembered that I did shots out of a gay mans crotch. And there's someone saved in my phone as "Miranda knows where my car is"
He put crushed up bacon in the joint and now we're listening to the Matilda soundtrack I have no idea what's going on
Just realized I could have five different dicks in me the day of valentines day but no real date. My life
Just recreated a sandwich from the caf in my own kitchen. Graduation denial at it's finest.
I know I've never told you this before.. but Gyro sauce makes everything okay.
You can't honestly expect me to maintain an erection when you have the Glen Beck show on
Like, I don't need to know your life dude. I just need you to suck my tits.
Randomize
