you know what i hate about salt? you can't see it.
I just spilled my beer all over my laptop.. this is what i get for actually trying to do homework
I have eleven tally marks and an infinity sign drawn on my wrist in permanent marker. Senior bar crawl stole my liver.
I am more sore today than I was after my car wreck. Take it as a compliment that you bang harder than a semi-truck.
It's like there testing me. My dad kept handing me margaritas and saying "you can take it"
If I wanted to fuck someone, I'd go for John. I'm meeting Bryan cuz I wanna get to know him better. And eventually fuck him. But not this Tuesday.
okay. so this hammed chick got arrested and she keeps trying to make out with the cop. i like her style.
Thursday nights need to stop happening to me.
So I just told the bartender I would go down on her. You need to get here
i'm half naked talking to a cat. you don't have to justify your life to me.
i tied my phone to a string attached to my bra. i am NOT losing it tonight
We always end up having sex in random places after class. I need to stop letting this dude borrow my pens.
I spent most of the stoned conversation with my dad proving to him that the Newfoundland is an actual dog and NOT a Snuffaluffagus-esque figment of my stoned imagination, while laughing over the fact there is actually a place caller Dildo, Canada. Have YOU taken time to be a good dad today?
Drinking and decided to streak in the apartment fountain. Canadian goose shit and sharp rocks on the bottom. I sobered up quick. That was a very bad idea.
Maybe you should slow down tonight...
KINGS DON'T NEED ADVICE FROM LITTLE HORN-BILLS FOR A START
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