Don't know whats worst me sharding on her a bit or her believing me when i told her she did it...
Dude just bought condoms some sad fuck next to me buying a pregnancy test he gave me a look like he'd pay me millions to switch places
I can't tell if I miss summer or 5 times a day sex more.
You should've stopped drinking when you started asking people for bites of tequila.
Out of all the things I've put my penis in, this seems the most unfortunate.
You're not required to sleep with every guy that spends $10 on you.
Should have told me the night we were talking about deal breakers that vomming outside your car was one of them. I would have taken a cab back
Does saving a line for myself for the morning so I don't seem hungover at work count as responsibility?
Adult decisions.
How do the freshmen here NOT understand the tricks we are playing on them by now? Doesn't bode well for grad numbers. Idiots.
Well I will be attending the wedding with a flask of wine, potentially with a straw, and POM POMS for cheering purposes. Needless to say I will be well lubricated by your arrival..
Then, halfway through our conversation, I remembered what you drunkenly told me last night and was all "maintain eye contact, do not look at his massive penis".
His new place is a molesden. Like a hole in the ground. It's frightening how oddly private it is.
It rubs the lotion on it's foreskin...
yea I went to the store high again.. I think we're having pie for dinner.
Erin was right. There were bees at the after hours.
Drunk me wants sober me to be happy, woke up with half a dozen doughnuts in my bed this morning.
Randomize
