he wasnt into me til he saw how good i was at ms pacman. wtf why does this always happen? when she kisses pacman it was a little awkward, so i made my move. i went for more than one kind of banana last night!
I don't care where my tongue is but i t's going to be in all the pictures.
I think I just need to sleep with both of them to see which I want to date.
You just went from promiscuous to slut in 3.2 seconds.
Apparently he always goes for the wrong girl so it should be easy for me to nail him.
She carries a brick in her purse. I wouldn't get in a fight with her
It's like my butt was the only innocence I had left and now I don't even have that.
I knew we would be good together when you made me lick jameson off your boob while you screamed along with racks on racks
Now I'm at the gym and I never want to leave. It's a combo of adderall and endorphins and I don't want it to go away
Oh my god I forgot there were Band-Aids on my nipples
I'm having a really difficult time dealing with the fact that my dog now shares a name with Snooki's crotch-spawn.
I can't ever look his wife in the eye again. She will see right through my soul to his dick pic.
I'm eating a block of cheese like its a sandwich in the tsa line
I wasn't supposed to sleep w him. So of course I sent him gps location to my bed.
You spent the entire night trying to catch pigeons and hugged a homeless guy and then gave him a pregnancy test.
if having to see my ex’s dick once in a while is the price I pay to the universe for making my life go a little smoother, I’ll take it
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