i think my tv is drunk
On a side note I can sing drakes “best I ever had” so good you’d think I was on degrassi.
You have to stop making references to your extense knowledge of 13 year old girl television programming for me to believe you aren’t homo. The Bravo line-up was one thing, but seriously
looks like were buying each other an abortion for our one year present...
he designed a suit out of pillows to protect himself when he fell.
engineering majors are such efficient drunks.
Just found puke on my backpack while sitting in class. It's like this weekend won't leave me alone.
I just realised I've never been sober in my apartment
Shes sitting on the front porch puking in to the pumpkin she just carved...in the rain. I guess pumpkin spice tequila shots wasnt our best idea.
It's just one of those nights that , as long as you have the drugs, everything is going to be alright.
They sat me on college avenue with a puke bucket and people were mistakenly throwing change in it. Got me enough money take a cab back to my apartment.
You asked her to play "the coma game" with you while hooking up, and then passed out in her bed. She couldn't wake you up so she slept on the floor.
Looks like I won that one
Her next conquest seems to be stealing her ex-boyfriend's new girlfriend. Pretty sure everyone involved is totally OK with this.
Think of something healthy and responsible. Now think of the exact opposite, let's do the latter
Hey, thanks for not calling the cops when I answered the door naked, high as fuck, and covered in red velvet cake batter.
The time stamp on this text message is reason enough alone to not leave me unsupervised
I can't find my keys and there's a hotdog in my purse.
Randomize
