I just took a girl with a hip brace and crutches on a date. she obviously can't bone. is it rude to demand a blowjob?
I stood up and a chip flew out of my shirt and landed in the chip dish. I just walked away.
i woke up with toilet paper straight tucked up in my underwear wearing a pizza sauce mustach. I dont think i got laid last night.
I owe her a pancake or a second hand orgasm
note to self: an IV pole is no substitute for a stripper pole. Written it on my ankle cast.
he asked you how you felt and you yelled "I FEEL SO PROACTIVE!" and started coloring with sharpies
If my thighs hurt from cage dancing last night, I can only imagine how yours feel
listening to happy ending by mika while imagining him to run after me at an aiport in slow motion... also, dipping oreos in baileys. not taking this breakup well. at. all.
I recommend you throw your keys as far as you can in one direction, your phone as far as you can in the opposite direction, and hold on.
Everyone was in the walk-in getting high, and I had to be all cool. Serving soup and salads. Night manager status doesn't pay enough.
I tried to have a quickie with him at the company happy hour. I think I need to quit my job.
Anybody can graduate from college sober. You try it while being stoned every day for the last three years. 2.75 baby.
and you fell through a lawn chair
Oh, now I remember why I deleted your number. You're kind of a dick. Please delete mine.
Remember the random guy who licked my face when we were at the bar the other night?
Yeah. His name is Andrew. We just met
Randomize
