That's kind of creepy but I guess since I'm wearing your dad's pants nothing is off limits anymore
woke up to an unread text message i sent to myself: "brreakfdast..pork and ice cream."
just to let you know coffee and vodka was a bad way to start the day
Just put my hand under my pillow and found a peach ring. Lat night just came rushing back.
Is it wrong that I want to take the baby bump in her facebook pictures as "meal-ticket"?
There's still flour in my hair. And I don't even want to know what the neighbors think happened infront of my house.
At 27 it's no longer called 'slutty', it's called having a healthy sex life...
I'll pay you to write the paper but not for sex. You should only get paid for something you work hard at.
our next stoner-chievment: cream of shroom soup. Get over here, this is happening!
Have fun in Vegas! Be safe, use condoms, and take a pic of Jon beforehand to give out when he goes missing. It will help the police.
I just googled "can they trace a vibrator back to you" so that' s how my life it going.
He left me alone in a hotel room my last night in town to go home to jerk off and watch TV. So yeah, I guess we're not really friends.
I just bought sparkling water with plan B. I am the most basic bitch to ever exist.
in your professional opinion, what's the most elegant way of saying "sorry I spent all night flirting with you, I thought you were gay" ?
I don’t know how to sext. What do you say? What do you don’t say?
Just start quoting WAP lyrics.
Randomize
