Girl last night got so wet when I was going on down her it flooded up my nose. I nearly drown
I'm at my inlaws playing Scrabble. Go Fuck Yourself.
I got otter pops to cool the beers, it's an all around better idea.
On my arm I have 12 dashes, and below is written "plus 2 pretty stout whiskey drinks, so, you be the judge"
Watching intervention at a bar. Who let this happen??
it's ok. he made up for it by standing there and holding my purse while i made out with three guys at the bar. it was a pretty good night.
you have failed as an in class drinking partner.
You're always so generous when it comes to your dick.
Most desperate stoner moment; dropped our hard earned resin ball in the sand, rinsed it off and then did knife hits in the kitchen cuz we broke our only pipe
Shut the fuck up. It's not the end of the world. Now come get your asshole bleached with me or we're not roommates anymore.
Maybe she'll change her mind but the "go fuck yourself" doesn't seem promising
this whole "benign brain tumor" is truly a blessing in disguise. I almost want to start bringing MRIs to the bar because sympathy pussy is flowing like the nile
I'm drunk enough to know I'm texting you and sober enough to know what I'm saying to you
He tripped and fell all the way to the ground and then stood right back with out spilling a drop of his 3/4 full glass of rum and coke. It was like watching something from the matrix
Aww his grandma died? That's sad! No mourning sex!!! That doesn't lead to good things!
All I know is I woke up in the back seat of my car, with the engine on, and my gps navigated to florida.
Randomize
