Sitting at a red light. Windows are down. I'm blasting Gaga's "Disco Stick" and doing an interpretive dance to it because I think I'm hilarious. Look to the left and see two Phi Delts that I know with their windows down. They are horrified. I am probably going to lose their Facebook friendships.
I bought beer tonight and got 3 coupons with my receipt. Paper towels, laundry detergent, and Advil. I wonder if Stop & Shop predicts the future or just does this with every beer purchase.
It took him longer to remove his skinny jeans than it did for him to finish. I didn't even have time to realize it sucked until it was already over.
What hospital were we in last night? Insurance needs to know
My walk of shame was far more interesting today. He's moving and was cleaning out his apartment, so not only was I carrying my clothes, I also walked away with 4 bottles of cheap wine and a jar of ragu.
I'm really sorry we tried to have sex on top of you last night.
normally i would apologize for my drunk texting but even sober me agrees.
Dude, you sent that text at 9:44 AM. Who thinks of drugs that early?
We hit a golf ball off Brady's ass. His dignity flew away into the night.
Of the two of us, which one has licked a drag queen's tit in the past 5 days?
I distinctly remember telling him "I'll suck your dick while you eat pizza"
I'm watching Part of Your World now and I'm crying and I feel like I'm floating right along with her. This. This right here is some drunken Disney Magic
Is it bad I use my AA meeting to hookup with guys?
I have a vagina. So i automatically win.
She squirted. We were both surprised. I'm that good.
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