Goodnight my chunky, little, marshmallow muncher
Is it bad that Pitbull has taught me more Spanish than high school did?
Signed everyone in my dorm up for free samples of astroglyde. Took me an hour. Happy new years!!!!!
Dude, if she brings up the lube, you know nothing
He bought me Ben & Jerrys and then apologized for the fact that he was going to fall asleep before we could have sex
Someday. I cant very well invite myself to his dorm room. And I'm 28. The excuses to be drunk and running into him at uconn are rather slim. Although I'm working on it.
Thats stupid. Your future is a life of less pay for the same work. Free drinks is how capitalism reimburses women for its inequality. & youre not even taking it!
And for some reason I just want to have sex with EVERYTHING
She looked up at the menu and yelled this is my absolute favorite literacy
It's either gonna be a cock in my mouth or a burger. You decide which.
I'm sitting in my 10 am lecture drinking a flask out of a dorritos bag...I think people are starting to notice but I'm already too drunk to care
No celebraish? But today's the day that Jesus, Bruce Springsteen, and a flock of bald eagles came down from the heavens in fighter jets with electric guitars and M-16s a blazon, saying "Hey America, fuck the Red Coats, it's time to party"
tom claimed she had a star tattooed around her buttonhole. i am not prepared for this era of skankyness
Ya can’t just go throwing accusations around about someone pooping their pants without some hard evidence
I drank Dr. Pepper and instant breakfast mix together and threw up sober for the first time.
Randomize
