My dad just drunkly made a toast in front of my entire extended family "to my daughter the recent and sucessful college and to my son the drunken whore-monger"
I thought at least he would want to exchange numbers after he tried to put it in my bum
Is it bad everytime a fat person orders fraps I want to tell them to slow their rolls
I rubbed one out into an envelope and mailed it to her. Game point, I win.
Yeah someone just put a trash bag that says "use protection" on the snow penis
It can't be good... The last recollection I have is singing lullabys to his penis
Min and u sung xhionubjs. Cause that's what u kiij like a xhionunk
Last thing I remember clearly was, "ok, but if we're are gonna get drunk before class, there's no half-doing this"
Today wasn't Sunday Funday, it was more like Sunday god is taking a shit on my life day
I feel like telling him your vigina was older than him was not a good pick up line.
You can't play that off as role play thing. You held my hips and kept yelling "put a baby in me!" That shit ain't cool.
It took me half an hour to realize I didnt know them
whatever. i don't need to be drunk to tell you i'd suck your dick if you had one.
you would have been so proud of how classy i just looked at the pharmacy with my $10 off plan b coupon. so resourceful.
How did I end up in some random dudes car?
Some guy came up to you and asked if you knew how to drive stick.
Randomize
