I'm twenty-five. I'm too old to be watching my friend throw up in Chipolte Parking lot.
she tasted like a mixture of sweat and destiny
Just saw a girl in a wheelchair puke then rally. Diversity matters.
5 am is for sleeping. Or getting railed on by a stranger. But never for fundraising. Get real.
My roommate threw his shoe through our window and I came out of my blackout kicking holes in my wall. Pretty sure Edward 80 Hands won't be happening anymore.
You can't break up with me and ask me for a handjob on the same day. At least not in that order.
I've thrown up twice at work. Just casually, in the mop sink. Then continued to make someone a milkshake. Want some ice cream?
It's like we come as a package. Your slogan should be "be in my family, sleep with my roommate."
My slogan can be "bonding the family together. One dick at a time."
I had a great time except for the part where you called another guy, told him you were in a cab - not on a date - and that you'd meet him at a bar in 15 minutes. but besides that it was awesome. Next time capping you at two glasses of wine
I'm not gay but if a lesbian wants to eat my box out I'm not gonna say no to someone who knows what they're doing.
Please tell me how the stripper got back to Sarah's from the trailer park
He was singing R-E-S-P-E-C-T to a stripper between motorboats while our HR manager cheered him on.
As you were leaving you yelled at the owners that the stairs weren't suitable for "intoxacapated" people and promptly fell down them.
So I WAS right.
School supplies are right next to the margarita mix at target. Its a sign
You were so drunk, you kept telling everyone you had a platinum vagina.
Randomize