i just farted in the library and heard some girl yell it was sulfur gas. can. not. move.
Want to come to my BBQ and Blow party?
I need to shower. I still have paint on me from the homeless guys
ughh I puked about 4 times on metro, no one seems to like the cool design I made on my shirt
they wouldn't let me take the pitcher of beer on the ferris wheel
If you're knocked up, we're telling everyone it's mine and that the power of our love overcame the inherent reproductive limitations of two vhagines.
I see your smile in the face of every drunk that senses he's about to slay a troll.
I screamed "I want dick!" in the middle of the intersection. So many hot guys. I wish you were here.
I just realized that the first thing he ever bought me was Plan B.
This morning I found four opened yet full beers on my desk and my towel rack pulled off the wall and in bed with me
Yeah, last night in the parking lot was hot. I'm sure whoever has the surveillance tapes thinks so too.
I need you to teach me how to be roommates with somebody I'm not fucking.
I'm tryna think of an appropriate time to say "when I suck other dicks they seem like training dicks compared to yours" but I really can't think of a good way to say that
For a guy who won't fuck me, your dick is out a lot when we talk.
And despite my lack of successful relationships I'm a fucking guru
That's like claiming you're a good coach but going 2-12 last season
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