He yelled GOOOOAAAALLL when he came.
Just got an Edible Arrangement my parents sent me for my birthday. Time to marinate some fruit in vodka.
She has puke in her hair, is missing a shoe and is now crying. People trust her to be their child's teacher
We should live in a duplex and just hook up with randoms for the rest of forever and be animal hoarders.
I woke up to the sound of gentle rain, only to realize I was laying under a urine trough in the men's restroom. Fuck you, bourbon. Fuck you.
Is it too forward to say "stop being a good friend and start being a good fuck buddy"
The hypnotist is here. He has a black eye and smells like tequila.
He went to WalMart with $30 and came back with a watch, a basketball and an engagement ring.
So high I started thinking my desktop picture of a cat was too erotic for the workplace.
THINK! exactly how many raw eggs did you color and hide in my apt.
I've found myself wondering why I WASN'T naked before, but I generally always know why I am naked. Except now. WHY THE FUCK ARE WE ALL NAKED
I have a black eye again and dont know why again
He wants to buy me a wedding ring and pretend to be married to someone else when we fuck. It actually makes me wet thinking about it.
We go out and drink, fuck, and I stay the night. He agrees to it because he knows I'll hook him up to IV fluids in the morning. Everyone wins
How was it?
Incredible. Everyone in the world should be having the kind of sex I've been having.
He should write a pamphlet or something...
Randomize
