overheard a conversation between 2 lesbians: 'back when I used to have dick sex...' oh, vegas, I so heart you
I just had an epiphany. There is NOTHING TO STOP ME from making cake mix and eating it all instead of making a cake. It feels like my entire life has peaked at this moment.
you know you go to a catholic school when you are rollin a joint with matthew 14:1-12
I drew a venn diagram at the top of my final comparing stuff i know and stuff on the test.
there comes a time in a mans life when you ask yourself, will i fake love for blowjobs? and the answer is always yes
This is davidson friend mat i an drunk. Thank you for having a physical relationship. With David. I bet he gas a penis the size of an elephant tusk. You are a lucky lady.
I wasn't sure how he was going to followup "so,i shot myself.." i guess "w a nail gun" is the best choice out of what I expected
trapped on the roof of the strip club. help
It's gay softball weekend. Lots of hot gay strangers to go home with.
Drinking from the bottle. In bed. Making dinosaur noises. Oh man.
just woke up on the floor with a bottle in my hand. and by bottle, i mean a baby bottle. half filled with tequila.
she stuffed her marc jacobs purse full of cereal
classy
remind me again why we thought drinking hungarian moonshine was a good idea
Ignore him I am the one that wears the pants in the relationship while "the big man" cries in bed
I bought him flowers and fake vampire fangs, cuz there's really not a greeting card that says "Sorry I got wasted last night and started a very sloppy bloodletting ritual.".
Randomize
