Pretty sure my dad just walked in on me jerking off watching guys on webcam. Remember how I used to say "most awkward day of my life?" I'm retiring that phrase.
Just try to make good decisions...remember our convo we had about morals the other day?
Turn them off?
His pubic hair was longer than his dick
his status popped up and said 'probably going to jail.' it took everything i had not to press the like button
So it looks like you may be an uncle real soon. Don't ask how I feel about it and don't text me back.
He just referred to himself as a sharp shooter. I had sex with that.
After three games of beer pong ending in victory by death cup, all four of us bonded in the fact that we all slept with the girl's boyfriend at some point in time in the past year. She had no idea.
I'm at home, drinking with my cat. While this is an enjoyable lifestyle, other plans are preferable.
Well, for starters, she called the condom a "dick mask."
"I'm in the bathroom. Only place I can sit and relax without that girl trying to give me a lap dance."
Do u remember giving me permission to fuck ur dad and then getting super pissed at me when i said ew?
It's nice out. . But after I almost put a bag of chips in the microwave to make nachos. ..I figured it best to not venture too far from the couch
All I need is $1,500, a beach ready body, a bigger dick & this will be the best spring break ever.
the wedding party just walked in to the song eye of the tiger. i'm getting drunk.
not only did I call my ex crying but drunk me also deleted the phone log so I had no warning when I saw him in class
Randomize
