You and i never got to the, we dont care what we look like friend-stage. you know? like not brushing your teeth stage.
sorry im really high
When we were fucking i started barking and growling at her.. you shoulda seen her face
You broke out your mechano set and told us you were gonna "build us a beer machine" and 5 min later you were fast asleep
Liver, I have supported you for 18 fucking years. Pull your weight for ONE NIGHT and detoxify this alcohol.
So he says to my dad "I'll pull out of your daughter but I'm not going to apologize". Yea, my night was fun.
why does CNN give a flying $@*# about the royal baby so, so much?
i hope they name him Joffrey
i peed in the parking lot at work not even thinking, a woman saw
How hard do you think it would be to make a drinking game out of a Slip-N-Slide? Asking for a friend.
This is even better than the wine from my laundry basket
my confident boosted when he told me that it was I who started making out with him. ME. NOT HIM.
I AM SHOCKED AND PROUD OF MYSELF
We both know we're cheating on one another. But our side pieces aren't as kinky as us...so yeah, we're still together. This is a fucked up relationship.
I'd say I was is in rare form last night but it's becoming pretty common.
Ugh. My life is a never ending cycle of bad decisions and taquitos.
I guess you could say the date didn’t go so well since I was drunkenly Snapchatting with my ex by the end of it.
I'm so high that a guy on TV just sneezed and I said "bless you."
Randomize
