Small penises have feelings too.
Just dunked an oreo in a white russian. Trying to think of a better experience in my life and failing.
That can be our thanksgiving, vodka and cornbread. Just like the pilgrims.
My roomate just said the he would "tap dat" to the 13 out of control girl on maury. Im finding a new place in the morning.
What'd you guys eat?
Literally everything that was frozen.
Eliza got arrested. What's the protocol on eating an arrested person's sandwich?
GOING OUT OF BUSINESS: we're having a foreclosure party tonight...We'll also be raffling off a washer/dryer, microwave and a white tiger head.
I wish we could skip the pretense of being normal and just start drinking wine with breakfast
I need to do something profound in the next three and a half years so that when my kids ask what I did in my twenties I have something to say other than "made bad decisions"
I think I'm still drunk and I think you were in my dream (sadly, it was not a sexual bill murray one).
You didn't even properly utilize my pigtails.
I'm just checking to make sure you don't want to go to the farmers market... This is an assumption based on the fact that you were slapped with a sandwich last night and you remained unconscious.
That's why my New Years resolution was no more blondes. They're all bad news
She's asleep in a fisher-price toy car
Do you know how difficult it is to masturbate with Christmas carols stuck in your head?!
Randomize