you never know, standards drop, they turn gay, shit happens.
haha it staarrted out with just getting drunk then it turned into sports authority. So now im 4th or 5th in line and shit faced. Help me
I've never seen a kid turn down a sure thing for a possible handy by a freshmen. You need to re-evaluate.
I'm glad we have the kind of friendship where if either of us is too drunk to fuck a hot guy, we pass the responsibility to each other and get the job done.
I just re read that. We really need to get our lives together.
Worst case scenario: I have VD and will die. That's the worst that could happen. As long as I'm around long enough to see the winner of bachelor pad, I'm cool
So I bought some random chick a shot she puked in her hands then I watched her make out with my roommate
We're in the kiddy pool eating marshmellows and drinking wine out of a box. Please dress casual.
Walking into the first day of college is like walking into a meat market. A meat market of sex.
I just compared his sexting to a plate of spaghetti. And he STILL wants to sleep with me.
man sorry about that. It's like god was willing me to be an asshole. I haven't filled my quota for the day
Can my mom come with to the bar? Prince just died and I feel like I need to take her out to cheer her up.
Got caught peeing in public. Sucks. It was a police station. Sucks worse.
Also I will be receiving my own bra in the mail because I left it at his place, woops
Sorry I missed your call. I was in the shower washing away my sins and sweat. Please tell me you want to get drunk as shit later.
What did you spend the night in her closet?
She said she was saving me for breakfast and locked me in there
Randomize
