I'm at McDonalds and when I walked up to the register the guy said "I'm so sorry." Before I said a word. That's how bad my hangover is.
Sorry really high. We have no lighter so we're lighting the bowl with rolled up paper towels lit by candle which also lit with a rolled up paper towel that we lit with the stove eye
Peeing in public by noon, this is not a good indicator for the day.
You don't take my phone while I'm passed out, have a three hour conversation on it with Dealer Dave, set up a date with him and NOT TELL HIM THAT HE'S NOT TALKING TO ME.
it would be cheaper just to buy a dildo to intimidate people with.
I like that we've become good enough friends again that I can make fun of your penis without it being awkward
He ended our Skype call with, "I'm going to poop and then go play my ukulele in the park."
Apparently I'm a "fire hazard"
Yeah I mean I think I need to stop living off of snacks and alcohol
I found the guy I hooked up with last night on Wikipedia, at least now I know how old he is.
I just watched some kid bang his girlfriend and I was like whatever I'll just sit here and do all your fucking drugs that's fine
I got the beer and the first aid kit. You get the tequila and burn cream. We should be set for the camping trip.
I went out to dinner with the girls thinking I'd be home early. Instead I ended up in the Englishman's hotel room. Long Live The Queen.
We talked about breaking up, had sex, and in the middle of said sex, talked more about breaking up- best sad day ever
Three cheers for handling my crush on my boss in an entirely reasonable manner, by having a threesome with my coworkers.
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