Dont judge me. Him and his friends got me drunk for free, the least i could do was suck his dick
his mom and I have the same butterfly tramp stamp. don't ask how that came up
It was one of those "since we're naked anyway" type situations
when she was 9 she got kicked out of our 4-H camp dance for pole dancing on the spirit stick
The number of times I have seen your cock and the number of times I have wanted to see your cock are different!
just shotgunning some tallboys in the cooler, you?
HOW DO YOU GET RAISES EVERY TWO WEEKS?!
You're the second person to offer to fuck me in the bathroom at work. Idk whether I should feel honored, or if cvs is just a turn on.
Is a swingers hotel appropriate for an anniversary?
Her parents are celebrating she found someone so well endowed.
Will there be champagne when they see the pay check?
i'm high and self actualising, please send help
I went to an adult Halloween party last night dressed as Mrs. Doubtfire, but I woke up on a stranger's couch surrounded by sleeping children in karate gi's. And I accidentally flushed my granny wig mid-puke, so if they wake up I'm gonna have to convince them that I'm just a weird older man and not a terrible cross dresser.
How did you come to this point in your life?
Good bartenders.
I wanted to waterboard myself with beer, but no one would give me their shirt to do it.
Go have sex with him right now! Drunk sex is the best sex.
I know but these gold fish are so much better
If you needed to get laid tonight all you had to do was ask
I woke up remembering only that I got pulled over by a cop, then looked over and found that same cop, naked.
Randomize
