dude...i just woke up in ****'s bed!
doesn't he have a girlfriend???
yeah...who do you think woke us up...
nothing can go wrong this weekend. $1500 to spend. i have options for hookups every night. my backup plans have backup plans
We're cuddling on the couch that me and his brother had sex on...this feels wrong
My drug dealer just texted me that his kid had a rough sleep and was running late to deliver the ounce to my office. Totes adorbs.
I chugged vodka from a 15 ft snorkel. What the fuck did you do with your life today?
he congratulated me on my ability to grow long hair after pulling it to see if i had extensions
We're you guys there last night when everyone started chanting "Nacho Steph"? Someone picked me up, carried me to the nacho cheese and made me do a nacho cheese stand.
My favorite thing about your netflix account "suggestions for you" section: Russias Toughest Prisons is followed immediately by Strange Sex
It's not even close to Halloween but there is a girl in a nurses outfit. Twerk or twat.
Well, during the ride home I had to personally apologize to both of her breasts.
Just had my very first high conversation with mom
And you survived it! I'd say that earns you a "Blaze It Like a Real Adult" from the Grown-up Girl Scouts
It was the needle in the haystack of teary, unpleasant handjobs.
I had to carry him up the hill while he was wearing nothing but knee high socks and a blue glitter sequin leotard.
Why is this not a picture message?
Do NOT. I repeat. DO NOT call me little one after we have fucked. In no world is that ok. Even jesus agrees.
“On a break” is implied when it’s a Russian chick dressed as Black Widow wearing Minnie Mouse ears
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