You realize if you die tommorow, the last memory i'll ever have of you is your ballsack on skype
Dont you think its a little early in the relationship for sexting?
and when he finished he handed me a baby wipe so i could clean up. i'm ok with the fact that he has kids, but not sure how to react to this.
throwing up in the shower isnt as glamorous as i expected
since when the fuck is that glamorous?
There are at least 3.6 billion human cocks in this world. Get some. Get as many as humanly possible. Literally. Do it. 1-2-3 go!
I got asked if I was pregnant as a pickup line
He's blaming gravity for his problems right now, so put that in perspective
Ok not good, my info has definitely been submitted to this sugar daddy website before.
so hungover. I'm actually considering eating the snow off the roof so I don't have to leave my bed
On one hand it was kinda weird his girlfriends stuff was at his apartment. On the other hand it was kinda nice because she had great shampoo
Okay so.. What's with me and guys who have more than 2 nipples
FYI my mom is sending thanksgiving "samples" of her fancy pot stash for us this weekend. I bring the BEST family leftovers.
Why does everyone always assume I'm fucking their boyfriends?
You are fucking her boyfriend.
Lies! You took my virginity, and now my cigarettes!
Its really awkward pooping while on videochat. Even if you turn the video off.
Randomize
