I just had the fat girl at the party come tell me I look sad and offer me a beer. I'm out.
$1 pitcher night should be outlawed.
Its pretty simple actually, if she texts me either Grr or Rawr it means she is horny and wants to bone. its a perfect system
Then he said something about how from that angle I looked just like his mom.
Also I spent like 2 hours on the hubble/nasa website sunday night looking at pictures of outer space and cried my face off at how beautiful and complex it is. What's wrong with me?!
If man night ends at some point, hit me up and let me prove my vagina still exists.
Woke up behind one of the fraternity brothers houses in the grass wearing a guinness hat and aviators hugging a 30 rack box with a zonie on my chest next to a campfire.
We did Irish Car Bombs out of butter trays, the influence of the retired community is astounding- I didn't know people even owned more than one butter tray.
I'm studying. And by studying I mean I am laying on my floor drinking boones farm alone. Last two weeks. Fuck it.
WHAT HAS MY LIFE COME TO I'M MAKING A SCARF FOR A PENIS
He hit me up on Grindr and called me "bro." I just have to assume that the sex is going to be bad.
I was just informed that I asked for a glass of wine at the police station
I'm sure it would have gone very well with the cigarette you lit there.
I'm drunkenly throwing popcorn at a spider, fuck him. Why does his scary 8 legs get to be happy?
I'm pmsing pretty hard.. .just cried 3 times while eating a Hershey bar dipped in peanut butter
It's a weird kind of sexy when a guy has a bunkbed with his roommate
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