You were so drunk that some guy dressed as Harry Potter pointed his wand at you and screamed "Accio SHITSHOW"
just bought a 30 and sold it for $2 a can to some dumb ass high school kids. now lets buy two and get really drunk
What do I have to do to get you laid? I talked to that girl with the ugly dog for 45 minutes trying to get you in, and all you said was "Steven Spielberg is my favorite director."
people who like being in relationships make me feel bad about myself.
you force-fed me gummy vitamins while screaming "I JUST WANT YOU TO BE HEALTHY" i have never been so terrified in my life.
Precisely. She's an awesome drinking companion; yet, not so awesome mother-in-law material.
So I'm drinking wine and watching Thumbelina
I'm teaching my cat to play fetch
Yep, it's a friday
He shoved his balls through an egg carton and showed us a picture. They were surprisingly egg-like.
it's always good to have a friend that's a hairdresser, a massage therapist, maybe throw in a lawyer just in case, and always have a friend on food stamps
Dude, you got arrested and then texted 911 to tell them you'd been kidnapped with a screenshot of your current location.
No it's like. I don't respect you. And I think you're a terrible person but. I still wanna bone it out.
So I think I've successful blown my foot off in a way that's going to make you call me an idiot.
His dick is a spiritual experience and meditation is very important to me.
What's rude is him not accepting my blowjob offer. What kind of guy denies that.
short story short, i just screamed anal seepage in the middle of a diner.
Randomize