I'm sad I can't be there is wknd, I'm laying on the beach and daydreaming of you / crying a bit
I'm watching a porn and daydreaming of you. Sounds like we both need Kleenex
Moan for me like Helen Keller
Best news ive heard all week. The cougars r coming! The cougars are coming!
I just added 'steal mom's xanax' to my to do list for when I go home for Easter.
just got double teamed by two guys I will be on beach patrol with this summer. six months until the season starts and I'm already 'that girl.'
nothing worse than walking out of class after 3 hours and having covered exactly zero information
walking out with herpes. that would be worse
Don't mind the bowl full of ashes in the sink. I meant to set that on fire.
Apparently stumbling across interstate bridges is not cause for concern but screaming Wookie noises at cars is. Thanks, cops.
Oh boy. Send him a care package with laxative cookies and alcohol. So he can shit himself while he's passed out drunk.
You just jumped of the couch and yelled "hidden tiger crouching dragon!" That's the answer to how you broke your finger.
I should come with a warning like "do not feed me tequila or cocaine, I will ruin the party and cry"
YO I WASNT TRYING TO MAKE A PASS AT YOU.... Or Jesus
He was really cute! And I know but it's just like getting my fix ya know? He's basically a human vibrator.
He shit with the door open. I think that means we are in a realtionship.
Hot fire fighters installing my closet. Don't know how to go about this. Gonna nonchalantly take my shirt off and see what happens..
Randomize
