Time to put an end to this 'unprotected sex with crazy girls who have violent exes' trip I've been on so far this summer
I bet him anal if they won...the one time Detroit decides to win, it had to be this week
I'm quitting my job and I'm just going to become a professional drunk girls mistake.
so jimmy johns showed up at our party last night. our house is sponsored now. living the dream.
They reenacted the scene from the lion king where mufasa talked to simba from the clouds. As high as they were they got it word for word. There has to be an award for that.
there is no excuse for drinking mascato in your room alone while listening to one-hit wonders from the 90s
Should I take my grandma to a keg tomorrow or not? Serious question
If if makes you feel any better, you're definitely the hottest guy I've ever friendzoned.
then he grabbed my tit and yelled "FOR NARNIA!!" then dove into my vag. i think I will do him again strictly for the entertainment value
The last time I've felt a woman's touch, the twin towers were compromised. You can wait like one week
WHAT IF I SAT OUTSIDE AND STARTED SCREAMING THE LYRICS TO O CANADA WOULD THAT FIX IT
PLEASE DON'T
Woke up with an e-cig stuck in my asshole. Explain.
The irony of the fact that I'm going to be starting my period on Thanksgiving. Something to truly be thankful for.
I need to align my fucking chakras
Getting knocked up by someone with a good job and a big dick, okay. I can handle that. Getting knocked up by someone who sells dildos for a living and has a tiny dick, SOMEBODY is losing a pair of balls.
Randomize