White coat. Heels.
I am now Facebook friends with Donkey Lips from Salute Your Shorts
Have you not heard of Jennifer's supreme lust for William Shatner? She wants to eat Taco Bell off of his love handles
I just masturbated mid-day, thinking of you
I think that is one of the most romantic things I have ever heard from a fuck buddy on v-day, there is a strong possibility that you will soon be my girlfriend.
I need a DD tuesday morning around 9 AM
I'm scared to ask why.....
1st bikini wax. Jose Cuervo is helping me prepare.
So instead of getting the if-you-hurt-my-little-girl-youre-dead talk, i got the alcohol-is-our-friend talk, i like her dad already
They were picking gravel out of my face for an hour. I think I took more out of the road than the road did of me.
Barfights against pavement aren't genrally won by people. Props.
Gosh I haven't been pantsless in front of anyone for a while. It's time for me to pick up my game. We need a party. I need some rum.
In case you're keeping score at home, this is Brad's SECOND Doritos-related trip to the ER.
And you will no longer be getting a thank you note from my vagina
It's hot as dicks out. Lets get drunk on the roof and make pterodactyl sounds at people.
Pretty sure I used toilet water to wash vomit off my face last night...
I have found random beers stashed in my purse and microwave... Apparently I thought 2015 was gonna have a beer shortage
The sad moment you remember you have no power for a week and can't flush.....
Wrong number bro but that sounds like a damn shame.
Think i may just have managed the saddest high-five in history. Finished a sudoku and high-fived myself, then looked around for somebody to high five. there was noone. forever alone.
Randomize
