Joe is yelling at the trees again.
I feel like sober is me a distant relative that I only see on christmas..
Last night was epic. Hooked up with Emma Watson, found twenty bucks, and then passed out on my floor.
No you didn't. You drank unbelievable amounts of 151, passed out in someone else's bathroom, and we carried you back to your floor. Nice dreams though.
She asked me to cum on her. ON her. I think we're out of the friend zone
I just sneezed cum. He better have a damn good day at work.
i feel sorry for the hotel staff that makes the bed after we have sex
He came up to me muttering about the pills on the bathroom floor... I found him an hour and a half later trying to take naked photos of himself with an alarm clock...
why is my forehead so bruised?
i found you outside knocking on the door with your head because you couldn't lift your arms.
Weed is now completely legal in Colorado and Washington. I repeat weed is now legal! I'm putting a deposit down on a house as we speak.
ROADTRIP.
the cops accepted 42 wallaby way Sydney. and the cops, and cab driver accepted the new address. please tell the win i am experiencing
Dude. Where are you? I'm making waffles in the waffle iron. It's beautiful.
I've learned life lessons in Vegas. Mostly, drugs are cheaper than alcohol.
I think my sex life is about to turn into a war on two fronts
I've just had my first cup of coffee in a month and I moaned at the first drink and honestly I think this is the most sexual expreiance in 6 months
Just used the pen i got in my signing ceremony to pack down my bowl. coach would be proud
Randomize
