i just peed in a port a potty and wiped with my credit card statement. fuck yeah!
but the good news is i woke up with 15 dollars in my pocket so i probably sold my phone instead of puking on it
Even though he is humpbacked he is really good in bed.
Doctor said I have sports induced asthma.
Call me old fashioned, but around here we call that "out of shape."
Ill trade u your bra for a run to the liquor store...
Nahh. Maybe not even a handful. It's more like a heaping teaspoon worth of dick.
Santa was walking around downtown handing out stuff at the bars. He gave me a free eyebrow wax. I think he's trying to tell me something
HOW LONG TILL THESE DRUGS WEAR OFF. I WORK IN ONE HOUR, I REPEAT, I WORK IN ONE HOUR.
Then I hope you find a set of extremely intelligent, flexible triplets in the ethnicity of your choice.
That is the nicest thing anyone has ever wished for me
Drunk in burger king. Having it our way. Free fries. M&m sundaes.
He is dating a girl who is on the Olympic shooting team...I've never been so scared to hit on a guy with a girlfriend in my entire life.
Seriously??? You send me boob shots with your husband and kids in them???
He woke me up, handed me a ringing phone and said break up w her for me. That hung over.
MIDGETS
????
I’M DRUNK AND EXCITED.
Randomize
