I may or may not have started my period at the bar. Good thing I have dark jeans on.
i was puking in the toilet, he walked in and to talk to me and started puking in the sink.. Could this be my perfect man??
Woke up in an unfamiliar basement in a sleeping bag with Matt to a police officer shining his flashlight in my eyes and asking me my birth date and social security number. My morning went swimmingly.
Is it bad that your cum tickles when I swallow it?
Right before we were going to have sex he said it was his "lucky condom" I don't know if that means its used or what.. But I'm freaking out either way.
im probably shirtless right now with a bottle of jack watching horton hears a who. this is a judgement free zone.
I said:" get your jacket, get your beer and get the fuck out of here"
Firing someone with a rhyme is the new high point in my life.
after the shots you kept on yelling "this is for the dreamers"
Who was the person who brought the rooster when they won @ beer pong
Cop came to our door looking for you. Something about sex in public and intoxication. I said you matched the description.
This is kind of a weird question but were you the other girl Ben asked to do a group sex thing with?
She shoved a hot dog in my pocket and started grinding on it.
You guys wanna start around 10:30 tomorrow?
We can start at 5am for all I care. You ask like I have plans.
I'm really just disappointed in myself for having sex with a musical theater major
If he wants a future he'd best figure out the calendar function on his phone. If he can invite you to his penis he can invite you to his google cal.
Randomize
