I mean I can't believe yesterday ended w/ your house getting firebombed. What an unexpected turn of events
dude this 15 year old girl saw our youtube vid and just facebook messaged me saying i was verry verry pretty. i have no schemas for how to respond to this situation.
woah 15?
i know! what is this dateline?
i had a dream that your penis turned into a long neck dinosaur
did it start talking like on Land before time?
That shot tasted like Sant Claus came in my mouth. I love the holidays.
I'm pretty sure my penis yawned halfway through. That loose.
He's either a really good actor or an actual prince, I'm fine with both so I'll sleep with him.
The night was going well until I found tufts of my hair in the freezer. Then I got nervous
Hey since its national brother week is that eiffel tower option with your girlfriend still on the table?
Just start grabbing cocks. It can't go wrong! Just say you thought you knew him and wanted to check.
There's a cop, a pizza guy and a half naked girl outside along with a dog that I don't know. It feels like I walked into a Judd Apatow movie.
i refuse to give everyone the satisfaction of seeing the results of my acting on my thoughts
I dressed up as a "typical white girl" which meant I wore my yoga pants and uggs all night. BEST. IDEA. EVER. Most comfy halloween everrrr.
I got to her place and she was petting her cat and pounding vodka out of the bottle. She looked like Dr evil in yoga pants. She's nuttier than squirrell shit.
sorry there isn't a 'perfect ass' emoji
I'm going to have to include Angry Orchard in my thesis acknowledgements
Randomize
