So I walked out of my room and there was my brother....standing naked
Can you send me a pic of you vag, I'm sexting the guy and he wants a pic but I didnt shave
dude are you serious?
I know you already have a pic on your phone
There's just this way he looks at me that makes me want to suck his soul out through his dick.
Oh. My. God. Best non-relationship, he-might-be-cheating-on-his-boyfriend-but-I-can't-tell-because-of-the-language-barrier sex EVER!
My professor just used "labia" and "numchucks" in the same sentence. I am dying.
just found a carrot inside of a baby sock. living with toddlers is like living with tiny hammered people.
If you're trying to subtly tell me that I look like Connie Chung, just stop it. I already know.
I'm not gonna lie. having my legs shaved for me in the morning was a lovely surprise.
Children cease to be precious when they crap their shorts in the pool I exercise at.
Apparently I really was petting a bunny named lazarus in Jimmy Johns last night.
Hahaha idk what's worse your life or my hangover.
Why did I see a weird snapchat of you barking at McDonald's last night?
You ate my pie without asking. So don't get butt hurt if I send you link to plus size clothing stores.
I'm by myself. some Midwest chick is hitting on me because I gave her a deviled egg. I need the distraction.
Why does my nose taste spicy?
How do you know what your nose tastes like?
Randomize
