I KNOW you don't honestly think you can pay me back in lotto tickets.
I think my penis and your vagina just became best friends last night.
I was going to call you an awful person for that. but then i realized we're both awful people.
Really* awful people.
he was gone before i woke up. left a pee stain, phone number, note and $20 for sheets. safe to say i will not be calling.
Guess which frat house I just walked out of! And on a related note... guess who's uncircumsized
I wanted to be mature but the vodka was resilient.
I might have hooked up with a 2003 alumni last night in the basement
Dude you were ten when he graduated
Wahoowaaaaaaa
I was just asked if I wanted to struggle snuggle. She's a keeper
She just mixed her Emergen-C with champagne... Vegas here we come!
Apparently when the cops arrived I was standing over him in the bathroom yelling, get the fuck up you piece of shit. Beer still in hand.
Dude I was tripping acid when she was crying and I literally couldn't defend myself
I've now fucked in every motel room in this small town.
Nooo. I was entirely happy pretending that my vagina only existed for peeing and releasing Satan's waterfall.
The highlight of the night was definitely when you starting telling ppl you could shapeshift and "proved" that by stripping.
You made the lady who made your cheeseburger sign the box so that when she got famous you would have her autograph.
Randomize
