dude u gotta turn down the techno when u bang that chick its creepy
she came over and started getting naked and said its not like i came over to just hang out
youve hit the jackpot
he gave me an orgasm. multiple times. the weird stuff he did in middle school is now irrelevant.
you know you were refereeing rock paper scissors for who got to make out with your sister right?
I was totally going to sleep with him, until he got naked and started swinging around his boner singing "I'm so hard. oh yeah yeah yeah, I'm so hard" like Rihanna.
He's like my sex unicorn. Elusive and majestic. I'll catch him, I'm baiting with patron.
How could you give up sex for lent? I gave up religion for lent years ago and never looked back. Or give up civility, not sex.
Update... last night a man tried to bite my ear. I think he swallowed my pearl earring.
I'd introduce you to the guys, but you'd probably make them all fall in love with you
I could do with a Floridian man-harem. Let's do this.
If you've never yelled, "fuck you ray Lewis" in front of your 87 year old grandfather you haven't lived
Our first time hooking up was on New Years and we've managed to hook up every holiday since, I'm hoping this lasts until 2016 just to fulfill my American Holiday sex fantasy I never knew I had
While I'm here in reality dreaming of catching chili cheese fries with my mouth out of t shirt guns like Jesus is real
i feel as though me waking up and asking her if i went to the hospital was a sign that i was not okay
Hey, I was just wondering why i dont have a shirt on, why im cuddling with a furnace, why im in my own basement, and where my car is.
He was a half hour late. His excuse was that his brother knifed him right before he was going to leave. I didn't believe him until I saw the gauze.
Randomize
