the guy working at the drive-thru just asked me if i wanna bang after he gets off work tonight.
given your current drought situation, im genuinely curious to know what your answer was
i told him maybe and gave him my number. sad? probably. but even if the sex is bad maybe i'll get a free burger out of it
This is how scared I get when I ride roller coasters. And how scared I was when I had to poop when I had herpes.
i just had sex with a fat kid who giggles when he cums. tequila really lowers my standards.
I don't know what kind of drugs you were on last night but you kept trying to highlight my face because you said I was important
Y'know, without the cops, it would've just been us daydrinking,
Now there's vomit covered trash all over the front lawn. I feel accomplished
I don't know if its because i'm stoned or what but painting my kitchen yellow makes it look crooked
If a man doesnt have the ability to fuck you well on a small climbing wall, I don't think he deserves you.
oh god my hair smells like rotten vegetables, sweat, and tequila. I wanna party with your neighbors every night.
Security deposit gone.
burned down garage with fireworks.
Okay. This morning the comforter was wet, you were underwearless and using a tiny blanket. What'd you do??
ok so i got home drunk and was cleaning my kitchen and i was shaking out the throw rug and dropped it out the window, i'm sorry
Facebook is for cat videos and having better lives than people from high school, period.
This conversation went from me banging other women's husbands to learning about baked goods. If that isn't personal growth I don't know what is.
I'm sitting in the hospital with him while he's still half drunk with a busted leg because he thought he could do parkour off a rock
Randomize
