Sometimes your consistent use of proper punctuation makes me nervous D:
Jager Bombs are cool, but hydrogen bombs are where it's at. Sparks and jager equals instant black out, I mistakenly tried eating a cigarette thinking it was a nacho.
Dude you need to stop whoring out my boobs. They are for emergencies only.
So apparently I shook her hand very polite, said weiner and walked away
he said i ruined lesbian porn for him
He gave them shots of purell and called it "acid rain" jello shots. They took them.
I hate freshman.
I don't text first unless I'm hammered...so ya I text first a lot
Last time we had a party like that I woke up naked on the pool table with a chalk outline around me and a empty bottle of jager duct taped to my hand.
Yea. I'm excited about this party too
The best part is every argument that she makes from here on out will be refuted by "Oh hey remember that time you shit yourself wearing someone else's sweatpants at a frat party?"
her wearing orange crocs at the bar was definitely a great form of contraception
Why yes. I did get laid looking like that. My sheets look like there was a clown orgy
My brain and heart say thanks but my vagina isn't super pleased with you right now
So I told him "To answer your question yes I am naked making pizza pops in your kitchen"
Whiskey. Because sometimes it's fun to have your hands go numb.
no its a draw, weve been through this, when were keeping score on getting laid i get a plus 1 handicap each week because of your British accent! its only fair!
Randomize
