I have a dream, to one day wake up next to a girl, walk to the washroom and kick her kids toys out of the way. That day has come, yes we can.
is drinking for groundhog day legit?
well you blacked out on MLK day and we pregamed arbor day, so yes
What. The. Fuck. No, you will not spank me.
That wasn't intended for you, my bad.
just crush a couple of percocets into it. tell him sam adams came out with a new beer. flavored with sleep.
No one actually likes Tequila. They just accept it as a fact of life. Like hpv.
Awesome morning. I just met my boyfriend's wife, should I have shaken her hand or was the hug a tad over the top?
Shes sitting on the front porch puking in to the pumpkin she just carved...in the rain. I guess pumpkin spice tequila shots wasnt our best idea.
This weekend has taught me that sometimes, being buried under a mattress is the safest place in the room.
Is it too early to start a donation jar for my 4th of july hospital bills?
Bad idea to be in a car concussed. I just described his dick as an elevator. I think i meant escalator, i dont know
Made a holiday JibJab of all my fucks. How's your night?
I genuinely attribute some of my blowjob skills to playing saxophone in highschool
Betting for two different teams with two different guys is the best. Time to get $100 by one guy and laid by the other!
Yeah, I'm just gonna try to repress that and remember him for his big dick and perfect jawline.
And on a positive note i found a list that i made in 3rd grade titled "what to do if you want a guy to like you"
Randomize
