We've reached that awkward stage of the relationship where he's in love with me when he's drunk, but sober him is still afraid of commitment.
so it turns out that "condoms galore" does, indeed, come up on your bank statement
Watching tv. She's giving me head and she hates it when I watch her.
Of course it was necessary for me to call the strip club and ask what their shower policy is. Smelled like she was wiping her ass with my eyebrows during that dollar dance.
Come on. I'll make you hot pockets. Literally and sexually.
I took 20 bucks from you because when I woke up I saw more of you than I ever wanted to see bro.
Totally acceptable.
I wish you could take over my body and feel what my nipple feels like right now
When a guy wants to eat something off you and then comes back with microwaved strudel and custard, back the fuck out. I have apple-chunk burns on my tits.
I met her at the quidditch match. She was the snitch and I caught her. After at the bar she walked up grabbed my hand and said snitches have flesh memories.
I left your tip in your mailbox. Last night was amazing.
Just had sex to Jesse & the Rippers. Can check that one off the bucket list.
Their first impression of me was that I was completely naked. So yeah college hasn't even started yet and I'm already that person.
Definitely woke up.this morning to a random girls head in my toilet and her mom knocking on my door.
I feel like I'm a car that keeps getting Bacardi 151 instead of fuel
That’s the third time this month he’s hooked up with a girl by telling her it’s his bachelor party, and he’s not even dating a chick let alone engaged.
Randomize
