the only thing i knew about you is that u dated jordan and were potentially interested in a threesome
I just paid $5 for a shot of el toro and the bartender wasn't even hot. Rock bottom.
my mom just informed me that im way nicer when im high and offered to supply my weed until our house guests leave.
does that include her cleaning your bowl?
not to mention it took an hour of antique roadshow to calm my dick down
Well look at it this way, if he should happen to get into a terrible accident within the next 2 days, its okay.. i have his dental records on my ass cheek.
Lesson learned. Never get fingered on an airplane.
Hey. Can you be so hung over that you get a rash?
this cock blocking thing really has to end bro...its one thing to tell jen i live with my mom.. its another to cut the brakes on my car..
I need to find more Xanax, my Grandpa doesent leave for another week and he's made it a mission to get me to come out of the closet as a xmas gift to my parents.
you left saying you wanted to "go piss on that girl's doorstep" and we didn't see you the rest of the night
that actually explains a lot
DISHONOR ON YOU. DISHONOR ON YO FAMILY. DISHONOR ON YO COW
In that state of mind I managed to bounce back from getting hit by a golf cart and convince an investigations officer that I was okay to go into the game.
I ditched my one night stand in the hotel lobby. How did he add me on Snapchat?
I shit you not. Dude complemented me for being meme savvy. You could drown a toddler in my panties right now.
Last night was fun. Sorry I slipped out before you woke up
Also, your parents get up REALLY early. Please thank them for the bagel and travel mug of coffee. Happy Thanksgiving!
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