As my groomsman, I expect you to learn the Thriller dance with me before next September.
his internet history is a lot of porn, how to make a hovercraft and side-effects of jacking off too much
Dude, dont worry about the lamb fetus in the fridge.
What?
Just dont open the beer drawer.
whoever threw up in my shampooo bottle is totally getting defriended on facebook.
i tried to stop you. you just kept saying your split ends needed punishment.
you were watching the nanny crying, saying I wish I was that thin eating twinkies. THAT DRUNK.
Well he has that kind of carefree attitude that comes from a big penis
It all boils down to, who else do we know that is willing to buy our friendship?
I've come to the conclusion while folding laundry and watching porn that I may be dead inside.
I seriously told a stripper I would hold her hand when she goes to get ass implants.
I must be the strongest person who ever managed to get knocked down by a pug.
I GOT JUDGED BY A GUY WORKING AT THE LEAST CLASSY STRIP CLUB. Peeing isn't a right, it's a privilege.
Just go to your happy place. Mine is with Jake Gyllenhaal & schnapps
I can already tell, the amount of fun I'm having right now is not nearly going to compensate for the amount of "let us never speak of this again" I'm gonna have tomorrow
We should have a mid-burrito sex-break, too. Just so we don't get too full all at once
Good point.
Did you come home, throw out a ton of shoes, then leave again?
That is exactly what I did.
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