you were so high you were expressing yourself in action figures
I had to download the flashlight app so I could finish taking a dump when the power went out.
THE MIME IS MIMING TO BUST A MOVE KARAOKE. ALL MIME-RELATED EVENTS DESERVE CAPS LOCK
Apparently blowing a .28 for a cop and then kissing her on the mouth is technically assaulting a police officer. Who knew.
diet's not working. come over. i need someone to fuck the hungry out of me.
All I remember is a very aggressive two-stepper who inadvertently made me give myself a black eye with my own beer
I had phone sex with a retiree last night. This is not how I envisioned my 20s going...
Use "feeling words"
Yay
Opened the browser on my phone to a web search for midget birth rates per capita. A good night.
he can suck his own dick, i cant compete with that
There is a dude riding on one of those standing wheel things inside forever 21. Calm down.
See, this is why you don't do nice things for people. You'll get stuck in the snow and you won't catch a dick.
HAVE BEEN SPEAKING IN RUSSIAN ACCENT FOR 5 HOURS
SHIRT GONE
You know something is wrong with your life when your mom is at the bar getting free tequila shots and you aren't
Woke up at 5am in an elevator... Pretty much tells you how my weekend went.
Randomize
