haha i took a picture of myself naked on her camera
She didnt have a camera...
Im at a strip club, and the dancer just farted into my face. The bad part about that is I could taste the wings I bought her earlier
I saw his dick soo much last night when I saw him this morning all I saw was penis where his face should be
Best. Four. Twenty. Ever.
thank you for letting me use your house as a brothel.
I just got released from jail. still in my kilt. bring pants damnit. they won't understand.
pants will make it better? really?
We ended not having sex. I didn't want to explain that I was wearing a Unitard because all my socks and underwear were dirty.
Aka reading hardcore gay robot porn as a steady trickle of elementary schoolers walk by me every so often and im still in uniform as there councilor
Who is also still dressed up as a pirate
Just made a bong out of a pineapple. So yes.. And champagne is about to be popped
answer my text you professional douchebag
and i mean that in the cutest, flirtiest way possible
I told my mom I'm great in bed. That is quality mother daughter bonding.
My fridge door just caught on fire somehow.
The next time we go out, we're bringing a jar so that people can contribute to the rest of what I need to come up with for my breast implants... We'll show them yours for inspiration and persuasion.
You're either getting fucked or a coupon to Friendly's. I haven't decided yet.
Nothin much, just sipping warm franzia from a plastic valentines wine glass while wrapped in my Mexican blanket listening to sappy country songs and mourning my lack of a love life. Hbu?
Randomize
