i guess its not very common for a paramedic to have to revive someone who was struck by a falling shampoo bottle while getting off from the bathtub faucet.
going to class with no bra.. is that saying "i don't give a fuck i'm one hour away from thanksgiving break?"
WHY are the edges of my bra charred???
We lit firecrackers from NYE in the fireplace and he was so passed out that he slept through it.
Someone woke me up and gave me a sprite and some pills. I put them in my belly button. Trust no one.
I feel like jumping into a breast pit right now. Like the old school ball pits at mcdonalds.
my mom just walked in on me in the shower doing the "ass hair shave" pose.
I do wanna see you. And we can just lay here and watch a movie and listen to me cry.
I went through his pics. Will you go with me to get tested?
You just said you hate yourself then sent me a picture of your friend's penis. Clearly this is a night of honesty.
Yeah when I texted her last night the only response I got was "stoned eating cobbler."
you slapped the bag of goldfish out of her hands and screamed, "BITCH THIS AINT NO AQUARIUM". That's how fucked up
I think the blind guy i flirt with on a regular basis is starting to realize he's old enough to be my father. I can't tell if he's into it or not.
How do u ask ur friend if shes keeping her kid but in a chill way
Correction: *I* watched JoJo's Bizarre adventure while he snored asleep on me cock still fully inside me.
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