i've lived in the woods for so long, as long as its post-op, i don't care.
We were busted for public indecency in the back of my car in the parking lot. This time we were just reading my Cosmo magazine.
Woke up in a different state, wearing only a bk crown. My boxers are in a tree and I think I went to the hospital last night.....
I told you not to do acid with the girl who works the late shift at 7-11
if you want blown tonight you're gonna have to take me up on that offer now. in less then 45 minutes you're gonna be blacked out and i'm not doing something i'm not getting credit for in the morning.
He picked me up for our 1st date and saw my roommate crying on the floor Fabreesing her vagina...
Woke up to a bottle of gatorade and a packet of saltine crackers tied to underwear hanging from my ceiling fan, along with 3 advil stuck to a piece of duct tape and a note saying "have a happy hangover- <3 you/me"
Drunk you is pretty stunner.
in a garage, wearing a toga, theyre debating the logistics of Coke Pong. If I don't make it out of here... it was me who stole your Barbie in the 4th grade- I've never forgiven myself.
You are a piece of meat with a side of awesome to me.
He just said his penis sings like Mariah Carey...Im going with drunken.
He had really great hair, but he told me he's been in a psych ward three times. I mean I know I'm a psych major, but that's too much.
You missed the winter stoner olympics last night....I got the gold in blunt rolling
We're doing a team debriefing of Saturday night in group text right now. As 75% of the female presence at that party we saw some shit.
Good luck. While you're suffocating on a dick, I'll be eating pizza rolls. Being a good girl.
I'm with the cops, Trish's gay husband stabbed himself and is framing her for attempt of murder and I'm dressed 4 the club I'm wearing leather pants leather jacket leather boots and black club top. Embarrassed
G&T. Gin and tonic. GIN AND TONIC. GIN AND TONIC AND FUCKING LIME
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