so... my grandma just told me i should be a stripper
well at least shes not calling you fat anymore
I got to watch him fuck me from behind in the reflection of an ornament. so glad I decorated.
And then he asked the cop "shall i shut off the lady gaga?" as he was being frisked.
jess passed out on the pong table. it was depressing until we started singing shania twain an hour later and heard her muffled voice singing along.
This girl told me she was a virgin the other day. I felt like I was talking to a unicorn.
So, how do I go about conveying: I'm sorry, yet very glad she is having my abortion. Via text msg?
Hate is such a strong word! I prefer to think that you strongly dislike me due to the honesty I show towards your routine shortcomings of success in life.
Sending a dick pic with a 2010 time stamp on it is violation of proper sexting etiquette
If I'm going to start compromising my butthole it's going to be for much better drugs than a ventolin
I don't think she can come out, she went too hard in the Intro to Theater Drinking Game at 2:30
Dear god. Please. Please do NOT deprive yourself of dick for 90 days. Blood will spill. Wolverines will howl. I can't handle that kind of terror.
He sent me a snapchat of himself growing a double chin. I think we're past the stage where there's any risk of us sleeping together. Ever.
Bro you fell face first into the sand and then balled up into the fetal position and yelled help untill I picked you up, no more whiskey for you...
You cried for a while then lifted lots of weights then cady's ex put glitter on your tits and then you took a nap. I got you pizza and brought you home. Nothing too exciting.
Why are we so out going and care free I can't wait for maturity to kick in so we stop having 700 dollar bar tabs
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