Third unemployed latin in my bed this week. I'm on a roll
Please stop sending me picture messages of your shit. Seriously. I don't care if it looks like popcorn chicken.
During the middle of giving him head, he flashes his phone and says "I like to watch."
you know you made some mistakes when your last two boyfriends are both obsessed with women's curling...
this is a mass text to all the people i smoke weed with. I have Mono, so if we've shared a bong/pipe. sorry man.
You realize at the bar last night we blew on imaginary whistles like rose from titanic right?
Finals week has gone away, doo dah doo dah, drink martinis naked day oh da doo dah day
drunk old tina is grateful for 14 yr old tina for placing glow-in-the-dark stickers on my light switch...just avoided so many injuries
U know that drunk state, where at 930 the next morning your sitting in a bath in ur bathing suit trying to sober up...yeah. That's where i am..
If you really loved me, you'd support my weed habit.
As the person who squeezed you out of my vagina, the answer is no.
Only you would get a side of potential vagina with your sandwich
You kicked me our in the middle of a blizzard with a dead phone. I had to give my watch to a pizza delivery person to take me home. You owe me a gyro too.
He chose me to be his birthday sex..theres a lot of pressure riding on this bang
OMG LOOK AT THAT PIECE OF MAN
I haven’t trained for this.
Um. I just realized I still have a beer in my purse from last night. I'm at work. I am so classy.
Randomize
