i wish there was an iPhone app that lets you write a TeXt LiKe tHiS
dude...come out of the closet already
We're so high we're finding things in the room to build a submarine with. So far we have two cardboard boxes, a piece of wood, puffy paint, and an empty bottle to use as a periscope.
So, I just sold my textbook to have money for Plan B.
You had already cockblocked me. The cops were just an assist.
Definitely almost got hit in the face with a baby
He thought he was drowning because he was drinking water and intentionally holding his breath. Dear god what did you get me in to.
Oh and now he's calling me Brohammed Ali.
I miss the time when Mondays weren't the new Thursdays. I can't drink like my 17 year old self anymore.
Hey sorry for being annoying last night, I just realized how many times I yelled "JORDAN!" during and after playing pong.
He fell into the beer pong table and broke it. Then he threatened to throw the toliet at us if we didn't let him keep playing
Successful first night. Lost my phone. Front desk found it. Earthquake in wine country. Didn't feel it.
I don't want to sleep with anyone. I just want a burrito
I keep having dreams where I tie him up and eat cookies off of him while riding him. Wtf brain.
i think the people from taco bell are onto us. they had my order ready today at 3am BEFORE I even got there.
Is it weird that I have your number saved in my phone as baby Jesus?
HIDE THE INFLATABLE PENIS
Randomize