Please, let me fuck your mom
i'm taking a spore imprint of the mushroom we found growing in our bathroom and sending a picture to ryan. he will then be able to tell if it's trip-worthy
say 'i' if you broke up a fight involving your father at TD bank today....
Um of course I blew him. He brought me a shamrock shake. It was two o’clock in the morning on St. Patrick’s Day. There was no smoother move basically. He totally earned that head.
I THINK I JUST JOINED A GANG. PLEASE PICK ME UP.
If we could give a gymnastic score to drunken nights, I would be a part of the Fab Five.
90 seconds of pumping and 2 months of bragging all summer. So much for my reputation here.
Stop touching yourself.
Wtf!?!?!?! Did you install a camera???
I traded him cumming in my face for a year for a Disney annual pass. One giant leap back for feminism, one small step for the adult child Disney fan.
think before you get married my friend it's my birthday and just got done jacking off
three of my fingers are bleeding and the only thing on my phone rn is a google search of 'Allison Janney'
I offer naked tickle fights and orgasms and you call it trouble. I call that Christmas.
Is it disrespectful or patriotic to pole dance on an american flag pole?
I guess she found the pillow case full of vomit I hid last night: "Oh my God. Oh my God. In my fucking FRIDGE?! Really? Hope your dick falls off there's puke all over my food. Fucking die."
In a few weeks I'll be a beautiful butterfly and me and my cat will have to repopulate the earth. WE WILL REBUILD!!
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