my number is 615-555-1212, <3 your favorite asshole
Jesus was obviously not given an itemized list of your sins before he died for them
yeah that pretty much nipped itself in the bud when I realized i could see her whiteheads glowing in the blacklight
I wonder if i passed any courses from last semester
This Casey James character from American Idol is really gonna mess up my sex life.
Or maybe the fact that you know who Casey James is will be what messes up your sex life.
he had a blacklight sublime poster, of course i had to do him.
He was eating mac and cheese. Raw. Like as in he was eating the uncooked noodles then pouring the dry cheese in his mouth.
Not a chance. She stuck her hand under my kilt and she told the whole table I was indeed commando. She broke all the rules.
we are all four or five tequila-induced decisions away from shitting in a bucket, come get me please.
Since Josh is going to be Carl Sagan for Halloween, he bought a turtleneck and sportsman jacket. It's all my nerd fantasies come true.
Then when he got home he face timed me and showed me his balls
I never thought I would have to arrest my own parents on a sunday night
good news, i've got tacos. bad news, kevin's in the ER. more good news, the tacos were free.
Last 4 google searches: class c felony, scary ghosts, peanut butter jelly time, Lindsey lohans vagina
Oh, did your mom say anything else about my butt?
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