More dangerous that a broken heart and a shotgun.
The best part of listening to lady gaga while high is that any word your brain puts in is right.
Naturally, I just peed all over the floor. Two guys in front of me looked at me, but i just shrugged. They won't remember either.
You know you're on day 1 of your period when the new mcdonalds commercial makes you cry
i remember getting really pissed off when you wouldn't let me sleep in the garage with your cat.
I just figured you know how to drive a boat and I know how to get drunk. What can go wrong
there are people swimming in the fountain next to the library... hello senior week
I started sorting laundry at 6 am. He finally got the hint and left
Dude. I am seriously trying SO hard not to be amused by Honey Boo Boo. But the fact is, she just got a mani pedi with her gay uncle Poodle, and he got a discount because he only has nine toes, and I am ALL IN.
Dude I woke up and he was pissing in the corner on his clothes... I called his name an he replied " I got this" and continued.
I consider my hand a solid 5. So if I'm dipping below a 7.5, I might as well go with old faithful.
Why the HOLY HELL is my dog on my roof??? Sam?? Why is the dog wearing my pants
It's wednesday. OF COURSE HE'S DRUNK.
We decorated the tree, drank wine, and he went down on me with Christmas music on in the background. Christmas IS coming.
So drunk last night I reviewed my recent anazon purchase of secret deodorant. Trust me, it was eloquent.
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