I least I know I can't get pregnant because it's on my hair
i purposely bought her a small sweater. My way of saying, you've gotten fat.
I pretty much gave up on you when you told me you couldn't go home yet b/c you had to stop at church first. It was 2 AM and you insisted you were late for mass.
I am waking up at 7am to go to church with him and his family... I better get eaten out tonight.
why are all my papers due the day after my potential hangover
he pulled a $400 bottle of champagne out of the back part of his toiled and I was ready to blow him then and there
I'm going to die alone in my chair and get eaten by my cat. That kind of break up.
Although I commend your efforts to keep my penis away from her, your sister is now booty walking up my stairs. Good game though, good game.
This guy keeps going off in the metal detector. When is it appropriate for me to punch him in the throat just in case?
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
I just masturbated and watched youtube makeup videos, which was just an extension of masturbation.
Don't need my thirties to be known as the decade of "new types of shits from drinking" like last night.
Currently eating Dominos at the bar high as shit so that's how homework is going
We just had sex on an abandoned logging road while wearing snow shoes. God bless Montana boys.
He answered the door stark naked. When I called him on it he shrugged and said 'casual Friday ' Some boys can't be trusted to work from home.
Randomize
