if i were to get pulled over right now, the only thing i would be guilty of is listening to 90's Mariah Carey
Todays outfit involves shorts with embroidered fish. This kids gonna die.
Ok so serious question: if one wanted to say the plural of mongoose, would it be mongooses or mongeese?
I think my mom's writing a book called how to fuck with your kids when you know they're high
Rode a jet ski for the first time three days after I lost my virginity. Hell of a week for my vagina.
i'm not the one sitting naked in my room playing with my boobs and a cat.
thank god my boss can't smell the tequila on my breathe over the phone.
hes the hot one from work who thought i was dead after my party
I dnt think she needs convincing on the threesome part, it's the threesome with your roommate situation that needs some work
He thought he was ordering for the whole party so when he came back with thirty burritos and four of us were left, he wasn't happy
We had an in depth conversion about the best way to take a dick pic. Both with and without mirrors.
OK, but next time I'd like to be present for our make-up sex.
I tried to bring you in when you passed out on the porch but all you said was that I "ruined your hope ands dreams of becoming an astronaut"
I really wish you were home bc youre the only friend I could ask to use an at home waxing kit on my vagina. I need you.
I walked in the kitchen and heard her saying "We could have been so good together" as she caressed an egg with her cheek.
Randomize
