I told him to go down on me and when he did he started crying!! I asked him why and he said my vag looked just like his ex girlfriends!!!
Eric and I got kicked off of karaoke last night. Apparently, singing about masturbation to the tune of "A Whole New World" is not appropriate and definitely frowned upon by the DJ.
He said he wanted to have kids with me so they could grow up to be professional linebackers. Not. A. Complient.
he described going down on me as being like 'entering a jungle of deliciousness and fur
I just had a flashback of 4:30am: me hugging the toilet bowl and you handing me a jar of pickles to open. There is something seriously wrong with us.
I want to die. Marc and I were making out in the hallway and fell into a fire hose in a glass case. It shattered everywhere. Everyone thought we fell out a window. I think I have glass in my back. Awesome.
And then you'll find yourself a hot chick and leave me behind with nothing but my back fat to keep me company.
Well, no one has ever described you as a perfectly balanced individual
A talk about Arizona woman's rights politics has never turned to sex so quickly before.
DOMA is dead. I'm definitely going to be the last of our friends to get married now.
You are the funniest drunk Jew I know. Never in my life have I witnessed someone respond, "Is your dick kosher?" while being picked-up on.
Seriously. If I'd known all it took was a 29 year old UPS guy to make me feel THIS SEXY, I'd have been fucking them for 30 years.
Just wanted to share my unfortunate vagina news in the hopes that it would make your vagina feel better about itself.
When the vodka monkeys are playing a drum solo in my skull tomorrow, remind me I tried to sterilize my body from the inside with titos
She deleted me on Facebook. I think it's safe to say that she knows I fucked him now.
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