I wish I could get plan B off e-bay so it would be a secret and cheap.
to cover up your slurred speech you tried talking like the creepy old man from family guy
I wish his dick was as long as his hair.
You think they'd ask my permission before turning Pajamarama into an orgy. I saw too many of my friends dicks at once the door got kicked down.
Craig, a bottle of Jamison, and I had a party on the roof last night. No idea how I got down. My injuries indicate fall...
Hooked up to multiple episodes of Even Stevens last night. What the fuck.
THIS IS WHY I WENT TO SCHOOL FOR TO BE A COSMETOLOGIST TO HELP MY EX BOYFRIENDS CURRENT GIRLFRIEND BE MILDLY ATTRACTIVE... Everything DOES happen for a reason
Is that a question you really want to ask or do you just want to tell you that I can't walk without feeling like my legs are collapsing underneath me
...and if you can get the necessary ingredients to make the Buffalo Chicken Melt, I will latch forever at your Teat of Justice.
handcuff keys just fell out of my bra....wtf happened last night?
His 89 y/o father walked in on us. Judging by the gasp/moan, I don't think the 1920s prepared him to see another dude inside his son.
my roommates are pretty pissed at me. they sent me out for ice and i came back with a kitten.
Gatorade without vodka just doesn't taste the same
Once my new license was put into my hand, a light from the heavens shined down and pauly D's voice was in my mind saying ohh yeaaah 21 yeaaah
Why are there naked heterosexuals in my apartment?
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