You hit on the cop telling him you were celebrating the anniversary of your 21st birthday and ur boob job... That's how he got ur #
ah tequila...
Just watched a drug bust from the Ralphs parking lot while listening to Frank Sinatra. Happy Valentine's Day.
Seriously this night has "go home now before you cry, puke or scream on someone" written all over it.
Oh, and also, a couple of straight girls showed up. But they ran away.
So that groomsmen was naked under his kilt. Also I just had sex in the elevator. And yes, those two updates are definitely related.
Why is my fridge empty save for a basketball???
He ran into the surf holding up a cigarette yelling "let the Olympic games begin!" So no, no vodka left.
I would say "man cannot subsist on sexting and brownies alone" but I think it's actually possible.
Never thought having a box of Cheerios could get me laid. My new lucky charm hello girl in 2B
I bought Plan B for the first time and an interview outfit today. You could say my life is improving.
I really don't know where my pants are, but that's not the problem. When are you going to unlock the door?
I convinced her that there were two p's in Chipotle - the 2nd one was silent.
If I die at work, I want you to have my mustache collection
hey, so i dont know your name. but im guessing we had sex last night. seeing that you're in my phone as "had sex time thursty thursday guy"
if they didn't want us to do blow at uni, why would they make textbooks so smooth?
Randomize
