At the Phils game. My gay buddy just wanted up to a bunch of Mets fans and said "I'm gay, and even I think Mets fans are a bunch of fags." I love this fuckin town.
you were definitelymotorboating random chicks as they walked out of the bar. just like, down the line. you kept yelling "Motor Boats for everyone!!!!"
operation harelip BJ is a go
she was carrying the quesadilla around the bar like a security blanket
we were boning in the bathroom when her boyfriend came upstairs. I wish i could remember what happened next more clearly, because it had to have been hilarious
Mass texted booty calls to all the guys I've hooked up with this year to commemorate the end of the semester.
Beer lympzucs are ki7lling me
I mean you were pretty drunk at one point you asked if we could have a glass of water ready for you in case you choked while bobbing for apples, but you said grape juice was preferable. You can't choke on an apple btw
If I have to give a UPS guy a lap dance, you owe me a drink.
How was the picnic?
We played softball, except our team sucked. In one hand was a mitt, the other a beer.
Why didn't you put them down?
No beer left behind.
How bad would it be if I asked him for my "ho ho ho" thong back? They're my fav christmas pair!
Why do I always end up with closet ICP fans?
So besides your brother walking in on you shaving and singing "I'm gonna get asssss" how was your night
I have 3 bottles of vodka in my room telling me not to go to work tomorrow.
so i was about to call you for your birthday but then i started making out with this guy... and i feel bad but i felt like you'd understand
Randomize
