Becky drew a cock on my face and is making me sit on the step.
what did you do that she drew a cock on your face and supplemental questions why did you let her?
once my pubes got caught on her snaggletooth it was all downhill from there
Theres a dude at this concert at the urinal double fisting beers, taking drinks from both while simultaneously pissing euerywhere. He is my hero
sex in a ball pit. and I thought ghandi did great things.
the man who designed bathrooms to have toilets within easy puking distance from the shower is my hero
I need to get my pants from under your porch. People are asking questions.
The poor thing was so drunk they wheeled his motorcycle into the bar. I just dropped him off to pick it up. The best walk of shame ever.
I'm sitting in the corner at the bar with a poolstick in case a brawl breaks out. Some crazy shit is going down and I'm trying to show my feathers like a horny peacock.
I now have a full length bright red cape in my possession. Best sex trophy ever.
My wife just tried to justify to me why she wants to bring a girl into bed with us. I should win an academy award for my face and response of 'well of its what you need.'
Your exhaustion is probably due to your rampant sexual urges and the fact that you live the same life as a raccoon.
Just when I decided to go get a taco and a blunt cake it starts raining. Coincidence? or divine intervention?
He was having this drunk emotional breakdown and I was just trying to cheer him up but instead fell and dumped the whole pickle jar on me
It was cool though because he was fine afterwards and somehow I convinced them I did it on purpose...
So the revenge porn my ex posted just resulted in a contract with a gay porn company. I'm going to make $8,000 this weekend. That would a breakup checkmate. Are you joining me in the legislative committee hearing tomorrow?
All I'm saying is Europe has not been easy on my vagina.
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