So. Did i wake up at 430, try to drive home, stop to throw up at a shell, and try to clean out my car and drop my keys in a full dumpster? Yes.
It's like having an annoying little brother who wants to have sex with you
talked to my RA about stamps and mailmen again. when do you think she'll realize that i only talk to her when i'm high?
Fact: Telling a guy he has erectile dysfunction doesn't solve the problem.
The coffee from our coffee maker just hasn't tasted normal since we made Mac n cheese in it that one time....
i have a picture in my phone of you with a bottle of tequila in your back pocket. i believe you were saying "pocket of champions" or something along those lines
So just to get a feel for things...how prone are you to male Amish strippers...
You coming home soon, man?
HENBARSCLOSE
I have the Everlasting Gobstopper of boners right now. It's kinda like a gift from god, but I don't want to spend anymore time with this girl than I have to.
Of course I'm not above using aladdin and pot to get laid, this is america
Ran into my neighbor that's always crying. I wonder if she's like; "I ran into my neighbor who's always playing with her vibrator?"
He had a joint rolled for us when he picked me up. It's how ASU does romance
My move is emasculating men with my superior intellect and it's not as charming when they can't see my huge rack.
Someone threw up pink in the shower, there's a golf cart tipped over on the lawn and Cousin Brian is missing. What could Friday night throw at us?
Stand and applaud for me. I have successfully masturbated in a Walmart changing room with the door wide open during normal business hours. I lead a very Charmed Life.
Randomize
