shes hot in the i'd deny it if anyone asked kinda way
He better hope I dont die soon. Because I would haunt his bitch ass and cock block 24/7
Bret has after-school detention for writing Brianna has a stinky vag on the ground at recess.
She accidentally pre-ordered us Dominos for the next day at 11:30am... we were very confused when we woke up.
He made me a "booty call of the year" award.
I woke up naked in my bathtub at 5:30 this morning. There's legit a spray tan body print of me in the fetal position in my tub.
I'm not sure how many more innuendos I can slip into this fucking conversation before I just blatantly say "I want to fuck you."
HEAR YE, HEAR YE! BY ROYAL DECREE, I WILL BE KNOCKING ON YOUR DOOR AT 2PM UNLESS YOU GET THE FUCK UP. IT'S 1:50. CIGARETTE TIME, BITCH. I LOVE YOU.
Laying in bed nude eating a Big Mac with a cat. It's gonna be a good year.
sex on the stairs. not our finest idea.
Woke up in the middle of my kitchen clutching a cheesy gordita crunch
What am I supposed to say? "Hi new uncle in law once I tried cocaine in Mexico and every once in a while i motorboat strangers. so happy to be a part of your family"
I didn't know. I guess I really haven't had that much time for drinking lately. I mean, outside drinking at home/work.
He will forever be known as the toe sucker who may or may not have been a father
Lol, perhaps. But the drinks are so cheap, the music is better, and the bartenders and bouncers all know my name. I can't abandon it, even if it is a gay bar, its still my Nirvana.
Randomize
