i'm pretty sure the devil's penis is california-shaped
i was so high i thought his mole came off and was flying around
great sex! but now the fight over who sleeps on the wet spot starts.
Why did you put hummus in my pillow case?
considering how much of last night I don't remember and the amount of ones laying on my desk right now, it's safe to say I'm concerned
I took his sheets with my when I left seeing that I underestimated my period. Also grabbed a 6-pack out of the fridge because breakfast is the most important meal of the day & I don't do other peoples laundry for free.
I feel miserable and there's nutella all over my phone
I think I kinda scared him when I told him if he premature ejaculated I would punch him in the throat.
I wish they could condense everything I needed, nutritionally speaking, into mike and ikes
Haha keeping the dream alive until Chinese New Year. I'm jobless with stitches in my face.
Two big black bouncers picked you up and escorted you to the elevator.
I didn't even do anything wrong. For all they knew I could have been on the US Olympic Gymnastic team. Would they kick Gabby Douglas out of a bar? I don't think so.
he cancelled our romantic dinner reservations so we could stay home and watch a Rocky movie marathon and order pizza. i know i should be upset but i think i'm kinda in love.
Like, she can be the shepard of the gays. Delivering him unto homosexuality.
Just sitting here contemplating the meaning of life.
So you're drunk waiting for the bus.
It's just a friend who is recently single and I'm going to heal his broken heart with my vagina
Randomize
