like if someone fucked a dictionary but instead of having a penis, it was just one of those leap frog educational toys
I hope to god you are high
so i slept on a park bench last night...no hobo
would you kill someone to have someone deliver pancakes to you when you were high?
Dude, just paid my sister in vicodin to go out and buy me a slushie.
he acted like he had never seen anyone snort lines of adderall off of a microwave before. freshman.
Sober December ended when I found beer behind my bed...I lost $2000 but spent 6 hours sober. Meet me at the bar?
are we at that level where i can tell you your girlfriends tits looked really good yet?
Does the blue bra belong to your sister or cousin?
Either I'm spending too much time drinking or my perfume is starting to smell like a pineapple vodka.
Anderson Cooper just came out.
Crying tears of glitter and rainbows right now. Gonna decorate my dildo like My Little Pony in his honor.
Can you bring home an IV stand and an empty bag so I can direct inject coffee for work tomorrow morning?
SOS... STANDING IN THE BAR NEXT TO MY BF AND THE GUY WHO I HOOKED UP WITH ON CHRISTMAS DAY..
Only a true best friend would remind you to make sure your cucumber dildo is organic
Vomit your little heart out. You've got a long day tomorrow
Just so you know, it is really hard to rehydrate when everything is spiked with everclear.
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