Dude, the girl i fucked last night left wearing my high school musical shirt you bought me. she also left her panties here though.
The one with Zac Efrons face on it? You definitely got the short in of the stick. i'd rather have the shirt
fuck. yeah me too. i don't even think these panties would fit me
Got a plan. Ill do rock paper scissors and if you win we smoke a joint. Throw rock.
i just got the best bj of my life in the pastors office at church.. Youre right jesus really does love me.
Kelly Kapowski is pregnant and it's not Zach Morris'. I no longer believe in true love.
Why is there a cactus in the microwave?
Don't worry about it.
Just saw the hottest 4 garbage men ever. They should make a calendar
Because if the best sex I've ever had was with a gay guy, then God help me.
bark. im thoroughly looking forward to kegs and eggs. next weekend should be pancakes and pinnical, then cereal and seagrams and then whiskey and waffles.
It's a journey
And the destination is his penis?
Precisely.
I only got lap dances from the ugliest strippers, i couldnt stop myself from laughing the entire time.
Listen I took a family sized bottle of merlot to the face last night and there's an svu marathon on. Give me some time please.
I was a bouncer for about 90 seconds until the real bouncers figured out that I was doing their job
I haven't had a bra on since I quit my job.
i'm eating chex mix in the shower while texting. i feel accomplished.
He fucked me while I was smoking his blunt. His apartment was trashed and he drives a van that looks like it’s been hit by a train but still 10/10 would fuck again.
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