You were right, I'm so drunk and I want to eat the shit out of my vanilla cupcake candle it smells delish
Experience is the best teacher
it felt like the flash was giving me a handjob
He yelled "HERE COMES THE WARMTH" before he pissed his pants. In front of the whole party.
Dude. Hurry up. They just blessed the tequila.
I mean if she was naked in my room I would talk to her
We left at the same time. You got home three hours after I did and said you got your head stuck in a fence. I can't believe you don't remember this.
I need to get my pants from under your porch. People are asking questions.
Drinking franzia alone at noon watching a cheese themed episode of "The Chew" I'm ready to admit I need a job.
Oh damn. God have mercy on everything w a dick in a ten mile radius.
The sigh of relief when u realize none of your drunk texts will result in permanent damage
My aunt comes over, haven't seen her in 4 years. First thing, looks me up and down and goes "...yup, that pair ripened nicely. Theyll get you some free drinks"
I think you were raised by the wrong sister
Someone brought brownies to work and I was skeptical to eat one then I remembered I was at work and there is no way there is weed in them. Haha I'm blaming you for that.
COCAINE AND SUSPENSFUL BBC SHOWS DO NOT WORK.
Drinking and decided to streak in the apartment fountain. Canadian goose shit and sharp rocks on the bottom. I sobered up quick. That was a very bad idea.
Drinking is such a hassle. I wish I could just press a button and be drunk.
Randomize
