Its about time the women of america have a president they can masturbate to again
whats the weirdest thing you ever masturbated to?
King Triton
Just saw 3 10-year olds in business suits drinking iced coffees at the cafe. I'm officially a failure if these kids have jobs and I don't.
that would combine my 3 fave things. christmas funfetti and paul simon
does it count as a threesome if she tried to blow the dude who was passed out next to us?
As the bouncer was escorting you out, you yelled "keep your filthy dick beaters off me!"
I told her shower beers are even better when you have someone in there with you and she said she's been looking for a new drinking buddy. It's a goooooo
Woke up, moved an empty handle of fireball to spit blood, then put the morning cigarette out in it.
How many ballsacks did you see last night because I saw eight
Well that's disappointing. I guess I'll give a lesson on dick-breaking another time then
How are you supposed to wish the guy you send nudes to good luck for the first day of his new job??
Philosophical question for you: is it better to go into work slightly drunk or slightly coked out?
Ughh I think I'll just sit here in the dark and wallow in self-pity while drinking wine and knitting scarves for my future cats.
I think the hamburger goblin stole my cigarettes. I left my purse behind her table and they're not in it now.
There’s an entire generation of people out there who didn’t grow up watching Mr. Rogers and it shows. These Boomers need to get their shit together.
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