I love black thongs
if i found out she had a dick after i got head, does that still make me gay?
I am scared. I picture you doing a keg stand on a sinking ship with hula girls cheering you on. Please text me when you get back to shore...or now would be good
he walked down the highway for 3 miles at 4 am, and got me coffee on the way. i dont think a blow job would have been enough.
Also on a more serious note, what says pull my hair more: straight or soft curls?
Found myself carrying 2 bottles of .89 euro wine about half a mile to where im staying. and someone stopped me and spoke to english. apparently, i reek of drunk american.
okay, please tell me Cammy is the one who put the picture and note on my desk saying "beat off to this homeboy"
What kind of costume was that supposed to be??
I'm an orgasm trader!
Captain Morgan didnt let me down when i stand up it feels like the world is trying to hand me rainbows.
Is your gma going to be okay with me passed out drunk on the ground
I should probably stop opening conversations with 'guess who's horny'.
Do me a favor and don't mention him I feel like Regina George and I just want to scream I made him
By the way can you translate "sorry, she played you bruh" to Spanish? Some Hispanic guy who spoke absolutely no English callled me last night and when I tried to tell him he had the wrong number the response was "como? No no no no...." And then click. He was gone
You would be proud of me, I did not take a dab at work today.
Also apparently I made a "cake sandwich"--yeah smashed a massive piece of cake between two slices of bread....fucking tequila
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