Just saw the homeless asian lady making a hispanic man pull her shopping cart with a harness. I love Boston.
the entire time we were hooking up i couldn't stop thinking about the bengals. thoughts?
it's all just a bunch of faces and i remember what the floor looked like.
i made potato chips in weed oil. what did you do today?
I hope no one at work will be able to read the "who wants body shots" on my chest. I forgot about it.
I'm in the Wal Mart stall where we found out you weren't pregnant. This is where I'm going to propose to you. I feel like that would be the most romantic
I'm going to join a nudist colony to win $1000. There are no down-sides to this.
How soon is too soon to enter the slutty phase of this breakup?
My new dealer is 16. I have been getting high longer than he has been alive.
I don't see the problem
I sleep texted my mom and asked her for a condom last night
Some guy just ate one of the dog treats. I have him a free beer. I love my job.
I woke up snuggling a bottle of water while Hercules played on Netflix. Whiskey Wednesdays
After I was kicked out of the last frat I blacked out, woke up in the hospital with no clothes no phone and no idea what happened last night. But i got hospital socks, thats a win in my book.
Should I have spent my entire pay check on Crown Royal and LSD? No. Do I regret it? Also, no.
In other news, my ex fuck buddy is a surprisingly good wingman.
Randomize
