He came on my chest. Sat back and said "hey it sorta looks like lake michigan!" kill me now...
That glade motion activator thing keeps going off every time we pass the bong. I don't know what I'm getting high off right now.
Just ran interference for her again. Sometimes i wonder how many times in my life i'll have to be a cock block at the clinic
By the way when you were super fucked up last night, you ate cat food and tried to tell me it was healthy for you
You stuck your entire fist into a full jar of peanut butter and starting assaulting people
We smoked speed and opium for the first time. ended up harvesting cucumbers with locals at 9am in a farmers field. Laos is fuckin crazy.
You sucked a guys dick who's name was Chad and that wasn't a sign that it was a bad idea?!
He's thawing a cheesecake on his stomach. We're that high.
He said he actually "met" me for the first time through a picture his housemate had of me, drunk and passed out in a pool of my own vomit, on the floor of his basement.
I was about to google "rabies and sexual activity." Then I realized I was at work.
Yeah she's a complete bitch. But I mostly hate her because she hijacked my fuck buddy.
You ever feel like just rubbing your face in everything like a dog?
Only in the emergency room do they shut the door when youre laughing too hard
Hypothetically speaking of course, is it bad if a cat eats lube?
She pooped on me during a reverse cowgirl. And it wasn't a little bit either.
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