This is your Morning Wood Report: I have it.
I guess what I'm trying to say is you've fucked more people than the economy.
It just sucks seeing everyone get flowers but me...
yeah, but they die. it takes a while, but they die. just like all of these kids relationships will. tequila doesnt die. its a live in the moment thing... like a valentines day one night stand. so long run, tequila is the better gift.
I'm drinking bacardi out of her mom's eco-green starbucks mug and chasing it with her sister's "for track only" vitamin water. Hello suburbia
everyday i become more and more impressed with my facebook stalking skills
Just got to school and somone already mentioned the amount of cereal im carrying.
He's drinking red wine in a margarita glass. He couldn't be more perfect for me.
Jumped in the kebab van and said he was Ultimate MasterChef. Incurred wrath of six angry Turks. I got free chips.
Aqua-barf. When you are about to puke in the toilet but pass out face first instead...and then puke. WITH YOUR FACE IN THE BOWL. There is no escaping the puke ring you have on your face. I know first hand.
They let me close the tennis center alone. It's a 6-minute drive from 2 of my booty calls. Scratch tennis court bj off the bucket list.
On a better note: I'm on pace for 730 female produced orgasms in 2013.
SERIOUSLY WHY DOES EVERYONE INSIST THAT THEY NEED TO SEE MY BOOBS
Because there's a shortage of perfect breasts in this world. You should start charging for viewings.
He's 30 years old and woke me up for a hand job. Last time I go home with someone I met through Tinder.
Campus scavenger hunt! and by scavenger hunt I mean all the pharmacies are sold out of Plan B.
At some point you said you just wanted to get laid, so we had a moment of silence for your dead sex life...
Randomize
