if you are receiving this text, you are one of the people i hate
I just saw a dog and thought "Hey! A goat!" Then realized it was a dog. Now I'm sad.
Proposition. Sex. No words, no talking about it later. I just want you tonight.
I saw your purple underwear in the road this morning.
My hispanic family watching the world cup is getting too intense for me. a lit candle was just thrown at me because i walked by the tv.
I truly don't know anything about sober relationships. Normally I would just drunkenly yell "sex?" in a guy's face. What do I do now? Be like, sooo uhhh, wanna do it? Awkward, and even worse, I will remember clearly just how awkward it was.
dude all my bootycalls are going to Eclipse tonight... Do I really want it that bad?
I feel like I've been drunk all of June. And I am in NO WAY ashamed about it.
Just made a PowerPoint called "Reasons Why You Should Fuck Me" at his request. The sad thing is we've had sex before...
I didn't have toilet paper until 20 minutes ago. But I have champagne. Priorities.
Whoever was doing lines off my iPad is a dick. Also bring Gatorade, for I hunger
For Who flesh?
I have a txt file I don't remember making open on my desktop. All it says is "what it's like to be a bat"
I need a hobby that isn't dick related
Just escaped from the ER. Meet me at the bar in 20 minutes.
Look fucker, my sensibility and attention to detail is the ONLY REASON you're not dead now
Randomize
