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im about as happy as oj after his trial
i drank out of my shoe...were you seriously expecting me to be the voice of reason?
she gave me her number. found out it was already stored in my phone as "bathroom blowjob"
the wall and i were having dominance issues.
I think this hangover is going to kill me. If it succeeds I would like you to read a dramatic rendition of 'Trapped in the closet' complete with interpretative dance at my funeral.
I wanted him to come me this time. So I told him last time I was in the city I hit a lady on the head with an inflatable Santa Claus and just found out that the restraining order she requested against me was granted. We never hung out.
My mom sucked on that joint like a nipple and she was a fucking newborn
I think I may have just taught my whole hall how to give a good blow job. So this is college.
The night got interesting when the random guy next to us handed us a bottle of champagne and the rest of his ciroc bottle. When we asked why he did it, he proceeded to point at his friend who face planted the floor.
You're dick is like the main character. It needs its own picture.
Thank you for letting me get drunk enough to forget he was there tonight, but not drunk enough to make a complete fool of myself.
SOS... STANDING IN THE BAR NEXT TO MY BF AND THE GUY WHO I HOOKED UP WITH ON CHRISTMAS DAY..
i woke up in a bed of pop tarts
Being high is definitely not the perfect addition to this family dinner. No. My grandma trips me the fuck out.
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