so i was pissing and the phone rang but i forgot i was pissing so i just ran to answer the phone. it was too late when i realized
I am pretty sure I told him the clouds were earth's purest filtration system and that snow was the rarest and most delicious water in the world. My lips are burning because we ate so much.
can't wait for January to be Over so I don't have to see all the fat resolutionists working out.
I just witnessed Grandma making her infamous daiquiris. Extraordinary.
i talked to you about this last night, and you kept saying "he wants yo pusssaayyyyyy"
We ran out of wine so we are trying the absinthe you brought over from Spain like 3 years ago. Please call me at noon tomorrow. If we die, its your fault
The bar tenders gave me the number for a "taxi"... It's just a dude with a van. In retrospect, pretty sketchy. Robert was cool though.
I'm so high. Midnight pancake breakfast in bed
Got done with class, now I'm buying MD 2020 with the ex. Sure feels like college.
My dad just asked if I could bring snacks to jail this weekend. Like what does he think this is, some type of adult play date?
I feel like my sexual preferences are just another sign that I am a 75 year old drag queen in a 29 year old woman's body.
I bet I give better head than any other PTA mom.
good news, i've got tacos. bad news, kevin's in the ER. more good news, the tacos were free.
Uess honpr I rememebrt hEzS cuter
You'll have to translate that into sober in the morning.
Pillow talk was a high five, this morning she made dinosaur muffins for the house. I love chapel hill
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