I made out with four boys last night, AND EXCUSE ME WHILE I COUNT HOW MANY GIRLS.
Have you ever noticed how boring internet porn is after you cum? I can't shut my computer fast enough.
looking back it was a good thing we were too wasted to fire up the chainsaw
she gave me head while wearing a sombrero and told me it was her "welcome to south of the border" blowjob. i am never leaving mexico.
sorry
why?
oh you didn't look in the living room yet, did you?
I fell asleep on the air hockey table and someone turned it on, scariest shit ever when you're that fucked up
I just listened to "Eye of the Tiger" and did 5 shots to prep going over to see him.
If you could watch a water balloon run... That's what it's like watching her run.
She asked for references to decide whether she wanted to have sex with me. And she was serious.
Yeah. I don't know. I'm just gonna show up at her place on valentines day with a jock strap, box of chocolates, and rose clenched between my ass cheeks with "be mine" written across my glorious man titties.
He was Jesus for Halloween and I definitely got on my knees and gave him praise.
It's 4/20 and I spent the morning in the gym and am working later tonight. I don't even have any weed. Why am I adult-ing again?
How am I supposed to buy weed and pancake mix when it's raining?
oh and i figured out why we kept smelling vomit. ive got vomit on my socks. putting the heater on my feet was not the best of ideas.
He may not be good for my soul but he’s great for my vagina!
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