so her cute freckles turned out to be blackheads
We convinced her the game "just the tip" was a billiards game. She was asking a couple guys if they wanted to play as we left. I kinda don't want to ask her how the rest of the night went.
When i asked him what happened all he said was, the toucan... the toucan... over and over again.
Just woke up to my stoned boyfriend building a shrine around my bare ass. He'll never leave me.
I'm sorry I tried putting my balls in your cup holder.
Dude. 21 days till I'm 21. It's the 21 day countdown. The 25 days of Christmas can suck my dick.
It was a karaoke bar combined with a liquor store and had a donkey pen in the back.
Keeping it classy as usual I see
When you sober up and come in here, I'm in your bed because you pissed on me in mine. So fuck. Off.
A guy with the name Pootie Tang winked st me and a guy that doesn't speak English messaged me. These are my choices?
Walk of shame. Stopped at an estate sale on the way back to the house. Old lady pulled a condom wrapper of the back of my hoodie. beat that
Just got kicked out of two hot tubs. We were naked the second time. So awkward getting out in front of the security guard.
On a not really funny at all but kinda brighter note I've gotten really good at texting in hand cuffs
Well I'm in the bathtub smoking a bowl and eating doritos and frosting so I might not be the one to advise you on this shit but I'll try.
I just got my evaluation. My manager told me he hated my guts and pretty much wanted to stab me in the face. Then he gave me an "exceeds expectations" on pretty much everything and a raise.
Well I'm about 60% wine, 30% pure rage and 10% tears at the moment and I'm disappointed in how little alcohol is in me
Randomize
