So when exactly did I get naked and makeout with the statue?
i think ur clone was at the club last week. she slapped some tall girl in the face who tried to steal her spot on the podium. i dont know if ur like her, but she seemd like a ninja badass with superpowers
I just introduced him to multiple male orgasms. I love wine AND tequila
My fuck buddy took time out of his date with his girlfriend to text me happy Valentines Day.
Dude, Taco Bell gave me a free fiesta potatoes when I won a bet on wether I could fit the entire rim of a cup in my mouth.
Remind me again why a vodka watermelon can't be a thanksgiving dish
Opened my purse to realize I have someone else's birth certificate. What happens to me in college?
So your bra was hanging in the Christmas tree last night at some point I think
He was saying things like "cum for me like a good girl" and "put my entire python I like to call a dick in your mouth" .. Okay I might have changed that one a bit
I know I come to this conclusion on a fairly regular basis but I really do need a babysitter
lets go to sea world and you can just hit on every guy in a wetsuit until you get lucky
Bought a gym bag tonight. Used it to bring my Taco Bell in the house.
Always keep a stash of tequila in your work desk. That is like adulting 101.
Maybe if you would fuck your boss you would get string cheese too
She lured me back to her place with pizza and tits. I was totally helpless
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