I wish I only lived at night.
Sorry I totally forgot to text you back. When you texted me I was at work at the pharmacy and it was stupid busy. And then of course I had my 8 hour "shoot me b/c half of Loyola comes in to buy plan B" shift.
I'm not trying to go crazy tonight either. I just want to go out, have a few drinks, meet up with my ex-boyfriend and get fingered or something.
If I should ask "why am I still single?" could someone please remind me of shooting mike and ikes out of my nose at the bartender last Saturday. many thanks
she vomitted in her champagne, said "fuck it, it's new years", and continued drinking.
Lights are FLASHING. This just got REAL. CAPTALIZATION.
You couldn't find your shoe so you introduced yourself as Cinderella for the rest of the night.
Ahh that explains the text from creepy mike saying he would be my prince charming.
To my ex and my favorite mistake: I totally enjoyed hearing you have erectile disfunction via baby monitor!
i took four shots of tequila, threw my fist up in the air, then went around the party showing everyone how to do the ninja turtle handshake. that's the last thing I remember
one more hour of this work bullshit and I'm off to get high with your cat.
She dumped me and then asked if I wanted to come to her improv show. Fuck theatre majors, man.
I just wanna get high and take a fucking awesome nap. Those are my goals for the week.
Is this because I accidentally peed on you?
If one more person says Merry Christmas to me I’m going to take a pen out of my pocketbook and stab them in the eye
when the cops came she just started yelling at them "Fuck the police! freedom of speech bitches!"
Randomize
