I just woke up in bed with 4 girls. Either i dont remember the best night of my life or they think im gay.
I set the bag of cheetos on the open box on my coffee table while I was watching TV. I was so high I ate half of the styrofoam peanuts in the box by accident. Am I going to die?
I hope so
Are you going to tell your therapist we boned?
you went up to their shower, tripped in it, accidentally turned it on and then claimed that you like to "test everyone's showers"
From now on, just let me go home. I'm tired of hooking up with your roommates... Including you.
When She took off her bra.... A tube of lipgloss, her phone, I.D. And a wad of twenties fell out.... I'm officially no longer a butt man
She brought a box of chocolates to give the bartender and now he's giving her free shots.. Why didn't we think of that?
we made it to hole 3 and then just sat down on the fairway and finished off our case....cheered on other golfers as we let them play through.
I'm laying in bed with a case of beer,.. That's how this break up is going..
There is a mobile STD testing unit set up at my place of employment. In the lunchroom. I may need to reevaluate my career choices. And my lunch plans.
Can you get the drug form of snow for the blizzard this weekend?
Note to self...boner negates all verbal agreements ...got it
He's a loser but she says we just don't see the good stuff about him. It's like she's dating the Charlie Brown Christmas Tree.
Make me food? I don't want to be a science experiment. I'm dunk. Holy shit. Drunk*. Let's do science.
I don't know if I'm having early flu symptoms, a miscarriage, or am badly hungover. Web md agrees.
Randomize
