Glitter + Penis = Best. Idea. Ever.
This was worse than the time that I shot a bald eagle.
I went to the bathroom like 8 times and each time I looked in the mirror and tried saying "I am sober." I burst out laughing when I got to "so-" every time. If you can't convince yourself, you can't convince anyone else. Fuck it, I'm going upstairs and drinking more.
You make your fellow Jews happy.
I made out with the bride. You tell me how my night was
I have too much pride to pick his chest hair out of my mouth again
God she is annoying. I am only keeping her around on fb because I want to see if her baby comes out looking like an alien or not.
The thing i'm gunna miss the most about college is peeing while brushing my teeth in the shower without being judged. You just can't do that anywhere else
Throwing up out both ends. This is not how I pictured adulthood.
As sure as my left ball is bigger then my right. We will have our moment.
The highlight of the night was when he yelled "WAS THIS CONDOM MADE FOR TODDLERS??"
That's like.....u just dangled a sex carrot in front of me then took it away!
Just took adderall with about half a bottle of red wine...i have stopped trying for this last exam
Drunk me has cost me a lot in cell phones...
The girl in line in front of me at the grocery store is buying wine, m&m minis, a toothbrush, and condoms. Is it inappropriate to high-five her?
Every time I see this chick she's swimming naked at a pool party. That's gotta mean something right?
Randomize