Flying to Orlando on the 7th is cheaper than the 8th by like three margaritas.
Whenever I miss you I just turn on Tool Academy
All i remember before i blacked out is you pointing to a random chick and telling me to bang her for America.
Remember that time I tried to pierce your nipples while high... it's like that, only with more blood... and less nipples
While I was fucking him, he grabbed a taco off his shelf and started eating it. I had taco dripped on me. I have no idea where the taco came from.
She thinks I come over for the sex, but I really come for the snacks.
Are some dicks heavier than others? Random question as I'm feeling mine.
I showed up to a booty-call in my onesie pajamas and rubber boots
That's what tomorrow is for. It's like bloodletting. Except with shame and liquor.
Let's just says his mouth writes a lot of checks that his penis just can't cash. Don't waste your time.
Let's get a hotel room this time. I really don't want to sleep in a Dennys parking lot again.
If you don't believe in my fighting skills, I don't know if we can be together
Casey, if you want the continuing love of our mother, you're gonna need to stop drunk texting her from PCB.
What. The. Fuck.
You'll have to be more specific. I do a lot of "what the fuck" kind of stuff
Congratulations you now have a pet Scotsman.
Randomize
