You took all of my sister's dolls and threw them out the window and then you started talking to her etcha sketch and mr. potato head. I later found you passed out in front of Toy Story and it all made sense.
I'm watching Intervention to get pumped up for tonight
I have only been in this city 3 nights and there are already 4 bars I can never go back to again.
Just threw up at the bar from the heat. Fun change of pace.
Don't freak out about the couches in the driveway. We tried to unpack the uhaul drunk.
there are 5 pictures on my phone from last night, 4 are too blurry to recognize and the 5th is you dangling a twizzler over your mouth, naked.
We are not buying weed off a guy from the internet.
I had her number in my wallet, I was sitting on a winning ticket for the blowjob lottery and didn't know
I'm a gymnast. they should know better than to let me get dunk near anything i can flip on
My birthday is in 11 days. Going ham. Consciousness will not be an option
Dude, nobody just eats a banana these days. This chick wanted it. She wanted to get down with Charlie Brown.
And then we can spend New Year's Day sprawled across the tiles watching greys anatomy and puking into the bushes over the balcony. It'll be great
he didn't stitch me up last time. in fact, he yelled at me for bleeding.
If all that ever happens between us is orgasms and dank memes, I think I'd be okay with that.
I don't think getting eaten out in a smart car behind a circle-k on my break by a guy I just met classifies as social distancing, but I'm beginning to love night shift more and more.
Randomize
