1:32 am: your girlfriend looks like a man
1:48 am: your uglier
gettin pulled by a cop with a camera crew. gonna flee. want my 15 min of fame on cops.
I just wasted my iTunes Gift Card on a season pass for Hannah Montana. Bad decision?
we convinced you the moon was a planet...again
Today's lesson: while in the shower, one should choose between either drinking OR shaving. Not both.
I had to carry you down because your legs weren't moving anymore but you were carrying the weights you stole from that guys room... and that's where the bruises came from.
3 things. 1. is this real life 2. my liver hates me 3. keg race tonight
Yeah well margarita Wednesday already came twice this week and it's just now Wednesday
Nothing like puking into an empty cooler at a red light on the way to get plan b.
This hangover is so bad, we are pregaming Chinese food with pizza.
Was so high at one point last night that while showering I was worried that using too much hot water would slow down our Internet.
She just walked out of her bedroom naked and asked me to help put her diaper on. Yeah, that pretty much sums up the last 24 hours...
I dunno what's worse, that one guy here said he'd blow somebody for Tim Horton's right now, or that someone else looks like they want to test his sincerity.
Come get me, I'm fucking scared.
No no no, work drunk and day drunk are totally different. I got drunk with a client and made a huge sale at 1pm. You are still in your PJs and jacking off.
I honestly think sometimes all you need is a $2 alcoholic punch poured from a jug into a big glass to feel better. I guess abblebees is my new problematic fav
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