I woke with a ring of glitter around my dick.... I kinda don't want to wash it off
Her bacne/racne was so bad it was like having sex with bubble wrap.
I got tired of walking to the bathroom that I decided to throw up in a cup. I now have 3 cups full of vomit on top of my mini fridge
He just randomly started talking about Haiti and Conan O'Brien and his grandpa's hip replacement operation. It was the worst phone sex I've ever had.
My complete lack of self respect has really improved my blow job technique
it's a "shave your legs in the cvs bathroom" kind of night
U handed him a box of flavored condoms, winked, and slurred, "grape juice is her favorite."
I am the sex elephant in the room. Again.
There was a pumpkin carving contest and we carved a very realistic dick about to penetrate a vagina. Our Christian Youth hosts were not happy.
These welts and bruises from letting gay boys whip my thighs last night are a clear indication i should lay off the tequila.
Eating pizza and drinking wine while I watch the Victoria's Secret Fashion Show. The wine is for reducing the pain of falling asleep with more insecurities than what I woke up with.
Its 11am and I'm eating gummi bears and drinking Tennessee honey in my underwear...this is why I'm self employed
I just want to see his penis in the light. Is that a crime?
Just saw a girl I banged wearing a pro life shirt downtown. Not sure where to start with that.
I got paid to fuck my boss for lunch. My job is better than yours.
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