Dude, this old lady messaged me on Facebook talking about her grandson and wanted to know shit about me. I'd almost call her a cougar except she looks like mashed potatoes that have come alive.
he borrowed my computer and saw his name in my recent google searches. Things got awkward real fast.
I just ate a whole pineapple for lunch. You should be begging to give me a bj tonight.
I just found a GIANT thermos of sangria in my sink. I don't know if its still good to drink, but its good to drink.
She's currently celebrating her completion of "Sober October" with "Margarita Shit-Show November."
Okay. But I hope it isn't expensive lingerie. Because I'm ripping it off Hulk Hogan style.
I really think that guy just walks around with tennis balls in his pocket. No dick is that big
It's like if a cloud had tits and you laid on them.
I'm sorry for gagging during our first time having sex
I was drunk
Please answer
Dollar Store pregnancy tests. For when you sorta wanta know.
They have marijuana tests too!
You know you've got awesome issues when the main deciding factor of whether or not to cut your nails depends on nacho consumption in the near future
i made the walk of shame wearing her booty shorts that said juicy on the back. i'm still counting it as a good night
Is it normal that every guy I hook up with tells me my hair is sexy as it's happening? Like that can't be normal
I buy a new bowl every time I get a new guy. It's retail therapy.
if i hadn't ended our catfight by hugging you one of us might be dead right now
Randomize
